Now, kids, It has been a rough couple weeks for Barney. First, he cheated on his girlfriend with Robin, then he broke up with his girlfriend for Robin, then Robin chose Kevin over him. So he was kind of in a bad place.
– Hey, you’re all right ?
– Why wouldn’t I be all right ?
– Barney’s single again! It’s what American’s clamoring for.
– You just went through a break-up. That’s usually when people do something crazy. If you were a girl, you’d have cut bangs and be dating you by now. Just promise me you won’t do something crazy.
– I promise I won’t do something crazy. (Don’t worry, he’s gonna do something crazy). In fact, I think I’m done with girls. I’m not sure I even like them anymore.
– Based on all the stuff you’ve done to them over the years, I’m not sure you ever liked them.
– I’m serious.
– Come on. You love girls. If anyone should be done with girls, it’s me. Zoey, Victoria, the Slutty pumpkin…
– Now I’m worried you’re gonna do something crazy.
– I’m not gonna do something crazy. (And yes, I’m gonna do something crazy, too) But girls, man. (sigh) Girls.
– You know what would kick ass?
– Being gay?
– Being gay would kick ass!
– World. Guys understand each other.
– Imagine a relationship where, instead of talking about feelings all the time, you just play some Madden, eat a pizza, give each other a happy, roll over and have some cuddle-free shut-eye.
– Bro, for what it’s worth, if we were both gay, you’d be my first call.
– Would you mind calling Marshall and telling him that ? Cause he thinks …
– No, it’s only in a scenario, where just you and I are gay, not Marshall
– But if all three of us were gay, you’d pick me over Marshall, right ?
– If all three of us were gay ? Girlfriend, we would all three of us have some fun.
– Damn right we would.
(a girl is just passing by)
– We’re not gay.
– Nope. Stuck with girls.
– I wish men could have children on their own, like sea horses.
– Are you saying what I think you’re saying.
– They have a little pouch. They should be called sea kangaroos.
– No. Y-you want kids ?
– Maybe I’ve kind of lately been thingking about the whole wife and kids thing. Just minus the wife.
– You could always go it alone. Like Mr. Drummond, on Different strokes.
– Yeah. But that was the ‘80s, when you could just swing by any inner-city playground in your limo and scoop up some kids.
– Simpler times.
– I guess it’s better to have someone in it with you anyway, you know? Lifetime partnership.
– The only partnership in my life that has stood the test of time is this one. The sacred bond of man and bro.
– Maybe we should start a family together (both laugh)
– It’s genius! Instead of throwing away your life marrying some girl, you just go splitsies a kid with your best bro!
– I wouldn’t have to choose between dating and having a family. Hell, I could bring the kids on dates!
– And a broken home? Um, what’s that ? Our kids will never know, ‘cause we’re gonna never split up!
– Why would we? I mean sure when your wife walks in on your banging a hot flight attendant, you get a divorce. But when your bro-parent walks in on you banging a hot flight attendant…
– You get five of these bad boys, right up high!
– (laughs) and you totally join in, right?!
– Oh, no, there’s the line.
– That’s the line. We found the line. It’s good we know where it is.
….(Marshall and Lily went down to the bar to announce that they were gonna move to East Meadow, just like that, they were beginning a new chapter in their lives, which meant only one thing for us…)
– We’re having a baby!
– Bro-parents activate! (makes explosion noise)
– Hey, let’s talk baby’s names!
– Barney …
– Oh, my God! That’s was my first choice, too!
– No, listen! You and I are drunk, which means there’s a chance that adopting a baby- no matter how cute he is in my head with his little cowboy outfit on and he’s riding our dog like a horse and we also have a dog, purebred Golden, but it’s okay, she’s a rescue- might not be a good idea.
– You’re right
After all, …
(Lily and Ted)
– Okay, Ted, I’m not gonna ask you where Barney got this baby. But do you have any idea why ?
– Well, a few nights ago, we were talking…you know “we hate girls, we wish we were gay”, just guy stuff. And we kind of sort of decided to adopt a baby.
– Yeah, that’s crazy.
– I know. Is it, though?
– I know. But is it, though?
– Well, so what if it’s crazy ? I’ve been ready to meet someone to start a family with for a long time now, and I keep not meeting her. Barney is one of my best friends in the world, we rarely fight, and once we iron out the whole pet cobra thing, we will be amazing dads. Why shouldn’t we try this ? …..