Gap-year Diary – Chapter 4 (From November 2015 to April 2016)

November 2
“Let the chips fall where they may”

November 3

Frank went to the Dali Lama in search of enlightenment. The Dali Lama sent him on a journey,” Climb to the top of that mountain in the distance. At the peak, you will find a cabin, in that cabin you will find a bottle, and in that bottle you wll find a duck. Get the duck out of the bottle without harming the duck OR the bottle, and you will find enlightenment. I will come to visit you in a week!”

Frank set off on his search. Indeed, he made it to the top of the mountain and found a cabin, with a bottle in it, with a duck inside. But how to get the duck out was puzzling to say the least. A few days of frustration turned into a few more days of maddening torture and by the end of one week, Frank was losing his grip on reality.

The Dali Lama stopped by and noticed the duck was still in the bottle. “I will give you another week. Then I will come to check on you”, he informed the man.

But a week later poor Frank was almost completely insane. A seemingly impossible puzzle sitting and quacking at him and no answer remotely in sight. The duck was still in the bottle and he was about ready to shoot himself in the face.The Dali Lama stopped by, saw Frank`s situation and gave him one more week.

When the Dali Lama returned the end of the third week, Frank was sitting outside whistling, smoking a cigar, and having champagne….he was peaceful and content as he could be. The Dali Lama noticed the duck was sitting by his side STILL INSIDE the bottle, so he asked Frank what he had learned! Frank looked him in the eye and replied,” You know what…not my duck, not my bottle, not my problem!”

November 6
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Tây du ký – hành trình cưa gái
Bạn bè
Bí kíp tán gái thời Tam Quốc
Câu chuyện nước và mắt
Chuyện con trai
Chuyện cá voi
Lê Bích tập viết quảng cáo
8 dấu hiệu của người hướng nội
Chuyện đời cô dưa chuột
Lê Bích muộn phiền vì kiếm tiền
Thất tình không khó

Source: Lê Bích Bụng Phệ

I really like you, not from the perspective of a sense of a man or a woman but of an author to his character, of a human. 🙂 Obin

Cũng có những phút yếu lòng, nghĩ rằng mình nên chọn cách nói ra hơn là giữ trong lòng. Nhưng đời phù du, người cũng có cuộc sống của mình, có ai đủ vị tha để cạnh bên, nghe hết kể lể rồi hiểu trong cái mớ lê thê mà cảm xúc nhiều hơn là lí trí đó? Vậy nên, những nỗi buồn mà đến cả mình chẳng giải thích nổi, thì cách tốt nhất là lặng im…Lặng im đến, nó cũng sẽ lặng im mà đi! Chỉ khuấy cảm xúc mình trăn trở một thời gian thôi… Nguồn: Luân Phạm – Guu

hmm, ….
Dr Rieger said: “Even though the majority of women identify as straight, our research clearly demonstrates that when it comes to what turns them on, they are either bisexual or gay, but never straight.”

“Although some lesbians were more masculine in their sexual arousal, and others were more masculine in their behaviours, there was no indication that these were the same women,” he said.

“This shows us that how women appear in public does not mean that we know anything about their sexual role preferences.”
Source from The Telegraph

In overall, what have I done over the past year - my gap year so far?
- Moved out of dormitory to live alone by myself, which was a big move and big decision of my life (because it was more expensive the a dorm room). I could be able to have my own space to do my so-called enjoying-alone stuffs.
- Teaching and learning at the same time. Learnt a bit German, overview French, Math (IGCSE), English for Ielts test. Registered for Astrophysics-related courses at my University (Introduction to relativity, Quantum mechanics)
- Created my own website although it's been still simple
- Joined instagram, twitter, livejournal, upwwork, myspace, tumblr, meetup, linkedin
- updated my blog on wordpress by putting more effort on it with new blog posts about my own previous experiences, my hobbies.
- Did a whole evolution in terms of my appearance from boyish style to girly style for pedagogical purpose. LOL.
- Conducted the last song for my University Choir at French Embassy.
- Reconnected several relationships in the past
- Recognized my problems: I have been struggling with Bipolar disorder for a long time, also anxiety disorder. It started happening to me when I was in grade 12, before the University entrance examination. I skipped my Math tutor class for one week at high school and even stayed in my room for the whole summer in the first year at university because of having been depressed and lost my belief in myself. It kept happening repeatedly during my University period whenever I got stressed.
- Travelled to Sapa, Vung Tau, Mau Son mountain-Lang Son, Ba Vi, Binh Ba Island-Cam Ranh, Nha Trang, Sai Gon, Soc Son - Ha Tay, Yen Tu, Quy Nhon, Da Nang, Buon Kuop Hydro power station, Bắc Giang, Vĩnh Phúc.
- Got my wisdom tooth distracted. :")
- Became a vegetarian totally. ^_^
- Attended 1-week course of Astrophysics held in Quy Nhon.
- Learnt to cook properly (vegetarian cuisines and other recipes of drinks).
- Keeping weight off. :v 
- gone back to my father's hometown since my last visit when I was 3 years old, which meant after 20 years
- Celebrated the longivity party of 90 years old of my grandmother in Hương Sơn, Hà Tĩnh

November 7
Nostalgia – Soft piano with violin
Until the last moment

November 8
Reposted from the status of March 27 2014 (Từ stt hồi ngày 27 tháng 3 năm 2014):

“ngồi buồn, sợ, nghĩ bậy bạ, hồi trước thì hay cắn móng tay, giờ thì mân mê cái móng chân, sao đó mà tay bóc tróc được cái móng ngón út giờ trơ thịt ra tài thật T_T làm xong rồi cũng mới thấy đau trong khi urgo cái ngón út trơ trọi vì thiếu móng, nghĩ: mình còn vô thức làm đau mình thế này, mắc chi mà người ta cũng chỉ vô tình đá mình một phát, mình không để ý thì không kêu, để ý thì kêu á một cái, đấy, và rồi lại bảo người ta làm đau mình -_-

thật là cũng không biết nên nghĩ kiểu gì nữa :\”

Reposted from the status of March 9, 2014 (từ stt của ngày 9 tháng 3 năm 2014)

haizz, thật đúng là mỗi khi bế tắc và stress, theo trải nghiệm của bản thân, mọi người có thể áp dụng một trong những cách sau để thoát khỏi cái vũng bùn lỡ nhúng chân vào hoặc bị bí ý tưởng và đầu óc không suy nghĩ được gì. Sự thật là, sau khi thực hiện một số cách như thế, đầu óc nó nở ra được nhiều ấy và cũng đỡ stress hơn phần nào 😐 (ai có cách gì thêm thì chỉ với nhé)

1. Đi ngồi bô. Nói thật đấy, ko cần mắc ị mới đi ngồi đâu. Chả hiểu sao, sự thật trăm phần trăm, có một lần năm cấp 2, nhờ ngồi bô mà mình làm được một bài toán nghĩ nát cả một ngày. Đấy là hồi cấp 2, từ đó đến nay chưa hề thử lại. Nhưng mà biết đâu đấy. Khi hết cách rồi thì mình sẽ thử làm lại xem sao. (bô khi đã lớn với mình là cái “BÔ” màu trắng ấy, không phải bô nhựa của trẻ con đâu)

2. Đi tắm. Chính xác là mình vừa mới làm việc đó xong. Chỉ là ngồi nghịch nước trong đó cho tới chán thì thôi, táy máy, siêng siêng nữa thì tắm xong chà cái phòng tắm cho nó bóng loáng cũng là một loại giết thời gian để tìm kiếm giải pháp cho vấn đề của hiện tại. 😐 Tưởng không liên quan, nhưng mà đúng là không liên quan thật. Dù sao thì nó cũng có kết quả với mình. Ting! Ừ ít nhất là với mình.

3. Đi ngủ. Chán đời thì đi ngủ cho khỏe cái đầu. Nghĩ ngợi nhiều chắc bùm luôn mất. Và đúng là có nhiều khi, ngủ dậy xong, thường thì những đợt ngủ giải tỏa stress đó của mình phải kéo dài trên 5 tiếng, T^T đầu óc quay về cái vạch xuất phát với mức xăng trong đầu là zero. Chờ trong lúc nó nạp lại bộ nhớ về những vấn đề trước đó, não thông minh đã tự rẽ sang một lối khác, không đi lối mòn nữa. Như kiểu quên cách giải một bài và thế là làm lại, ra được một cách thứ hai. Cách này thì lâu lâu mới có hiệu quả. Có thể không giúp tìm ra lời giải liền nhưng chí ít thì nó thực hiện tốt chức năng reset. 🙂

4. Gấp quần áo. Ừ, lôi đống quần áo trong tủ ra gấp lại. Thử đi, chắc chắn là có người từng thử rồi chứ chẳng phải mỗi mình. Đầu óc nó sẽ nghĩ miên man đi nhiều thứ rất ngộ. Như phát hiện cái quần mình mặc bấy lâu này thủng cái mông hay cái áo rách nách chẳng hạn. Rồi thì sau đó lôi kim chỉ ra. haizz

5. Có thể là đi cà phê đâu đó, lượn vòng thành phố đốt xăng, phiêu phiêu như kiểu đang tự chơi với cảm xúc của mình. Cái này chỉ làm được khi đang còn rủng rỉnh tiền trong túi và không yêu cầu reset cảm xúc, chỉ là ngập trong đó thêm tí cho nó chán rồi lại tự ngoi lên. Và cái loại này chỉ làm được vào đầu tháng. T^T Xăng tăng, nước uống tăng, ngồi free thì ngắm mấy cặp nó đang abc xyz, muốn ngồi một mình thì phải trả xiền, đấy, đó là những vấn đề muôn thuở của cả xã hội. T_T

6. Ăn. Và muốn đạt hiệu quả cao thì cũng phải tùy món. Vì tôi nhớ có lần vì buồn chán mà ăn cho tới mức không ăn được nữa, hậu quả là về ôm bụng lăn qua lăn lại không ngủ được, cảm giác quay bên nào là thức ăn trong bụng thi nhau xô về bên ấy T_T. Món ăn thường được mình sử dụng nhất trong tình huống buồn chán này là kem, chocolat, chuối và bơ. Hình như đó cũng được xem là những món ăn kích thích cảm xúc theo chiều hướng đi lên thì phải. Mỗi lần ăn xong, người có vẻ tưng tửng man mát hơn bình thường. 😐 Dù sao thì món gì cũng được, theo như partner ăn cám của mình nói, miễn ngon là được tuốt. 🙂

list lại các món khoái ăn và thường dễ kiếm ở đây:
kem celano vani chocolat
kem chocolat merino
bánh su kem
đùi gà chiên
đùi gà nướng
gà lotte có thể ăn được :v
dù không phải là món ngon tuyệt vời nhất
gà kfc, theo mình thấy thì ngon hơn tẹo, dù gì gà tự nấu vẫn ngon nhất :”>
chocolat đen 80%
trà chanh
chanh mật ong

Hạnh phúc không nuôi ta lớn đâu. Đau khổ mới là đứa dìu dắt chúng ta nên người. – Obin

Happiness is not the one who raises us up. Pain does. – Obin

November 9
Quote for the day:
“The quickest way to change your attitude toward pain is to accept the fact that everything that happens to us has been designed for our spiritual growth.” – M. Scott Peck

When all of your flaws and all of my flaws are laid out one by one
A wonderful part of the mess that we made
We pick ourselves undone

All of your flaws and all of my flaws, they lie there hand in hand
Ones we’ve inherited, ones that we learn
They pass from man to man

There’s a hole in my soul
I can’t fill it, I can’t fill it

You have always worn your flaws upon your sleeve
And I have always buried them deep beneath the ground
Dig them up – let’s finish what we started
Dig them up – so nothing’s left unturned

All of your flaws and all of my flaws, when they have been exhumed
We’ll see that we need them to be who we are
Without them we’d be doomed

There’s a hole in my soul
I can’t fill it, I can’t fill it
There’s a hole in my soul
Can you fill it? Can you fill it?

…..let’s finish what we started
….. so nothing’s left unturned
Flaws – Bastille – Live acoustic version

“Kể hay không kể, giải bày lòng mình ra hay không, đôi khi không hẳn vì mình thích người đó hay không thích người đó. Chỉ đơn giản là có một câu chuyện và một số tâm hồn có thể đồng cảm với nó mà thôi….” – Obin

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November 10

– How would you like to be remembered?
– As someone who did the best she could with the talent she had

November 15

I enjoyed the conversations recently I had with an Italian doctor and an Italian laywer …. They both gave me a new point of view of looking a problem. One makes me question myself about the things I have not thought of before. One shared so many things in common with me about the personal opinions of romantic relationship, family relationship. Ah, I’ve just made friend with a beautiful, nice Russian girl who are 2 years older than me. ^_^

A great week ever for me! 🙂

November 21

I’ve got no need for open roads
‘Cause all I own fits on my back
I see the world from rusted trains
And always know I won’t be back

‘Cause all my life is wrapped up in today
No past or future here
If I find my name’s no good
I just fall out of line

But I miss you
But there’s no comin’ home
There’s no comin’ home
With a name like mine
I still think of you
But everyone knows
Yeah everyone knows
If you care then let it go

I’ve seen more places than I can name
And over time they all start to look the same
But it ain’t that truth we chase
No, it’s the promise of a better place

But all this time, I’ve been chasin’ down a lie
And I know it for what it is
But it beats the alternatives
So I’ll take the lie

November 23

Desire is the starting point of all achievement, not a hope, not a wish, but a keen pulsating desire, which transcends everything. – Napoleon Hill

Whoever starts out toward the unknown must consent to venture alone – Andre Gide

I only go out to get me a fresh appetite for being alone. – Lord Byron

November 26
“A friend told me that being sensitive was a great gift. It somehow affected positively on him. How sweet of him to have said that. Personally, I found it both blessed and cursed. ” – Obin
I know the feeling when waking up and seeing someone sleeping beside. You just want to stay in bed just like that for a whole day. —- At Tieu Kun’s house.
December 4
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A cold and humid day. It has been raining for a whole day … with some Jazz, the day could be better!

December 8
Don’t wear your heart on your sleeve!
After hanging around with Alessandro Celona

December 16
“It is great when you are able to write. Writing is like a therapy to me, where all my thoughts and feelings can be overflowing from a pen.” – Obin

December 17

Bạn tôi từng ước rằng nếu chúng ta bớt nói đi một chút, nhắm mắt lại nhiều hơn thì thế giới nơi con người đối xử với nhau như con người sẽ xuất hiện.

Bớt nói lại là để lắng nghe nhiều hơn, khi được nghe câu chuyện của người khác, dõi theo những biến cố mà họ trải qua, một người tự khắc sẽ thấy lòng mình rộng mở. Giống như một câu chuyện về đức Phật: “Lòng người giống như chén nước, bỏ một nhúm muối vào thì mặn. Nhưng cũng với nhúm muối ấy, bỏ vào dòng sông lại biến mất”. Ý dạy rằng cốt lõi của việc bao dung không nằm ở hoàn cảnh, mà là ở sự độ lượng trong tâm mỗi người.

Nhắm mắt lại nhiều hơn, để không còn phán xét những sự vật nhãn tiền phiến diện. Khi không còn bị che mắt bởi những thứ vật chất phù phiếm, bạn mới có thể cảm được tâm can người đối diện.

Còn nếu phán xét mọi sự việc, con người quá sớm khi mới chỉ nhìn thấy một phần của sự thật thì chính xác là ngộ nhận. Tôi luôn nghĩ, ngộ nhận là một trong những cách con người hay tự làm khổ mình nhất.

Có người lúc mới chia tay, khi cảm xúc vẫn còn đang day dứt mà nghĩ rằng đời này mình sẽ không bao giờ có thể yêu được người tốt hơn. Khi những cảm xúc che mờ lý trí qua đi, họ mới hiểu hóa ra từ đầu đến cuối chỉ là bản thân tự trói mình trong suy nghĩ yêu là cưới hay tình yêu là thứ thiên trường địa cửu. Sự thật thì chỉ có vỏn vẹn năm chữ: “hết duyên thì chia tay”.

Còn tôi, trước đây từng có thời gian mang một hiềm khích rất lớn với cha mình. Bố tôi là hình mẫu xa xăm ép tôi tự học tất cả mọi điều, cũng là người kìm hãm tôi từ khi còn nhỏ. Hồi ấy tôi còn nghĩ, dù mình yêu bố đến mấy thì vẫn có một phần hận ông.

Mãi rất nhiều năm sau này, em gái tôi trong một đêm tâm sự mới kể lại: “Chuyện này anh không biết. Trong chuyện về gia đình, em vẫn nể bố anh nhất. Hồi nhà còn khó, bố anh chiều nào cũng mua 2 nhát xổ số là ## và ##. Tự hiểu nhé”.

2 con số ấy là ngày sinh của tôi. Lúc ấy người chỉ biết bần thần chết lặng và quặn lại đấm ngực khi hiểu ra mình đã nghĩ sai về bố thế nào.

Ngộ nhận là hành động giống như bịt mắt đi ra đường vấp phải tảng đá rồi lại mắng xơi xơi cho rằng lỗi thuộc về thứ nằm ở dưới chân chứ không phải là do bạn không chịu nhìn đường.

Đến khi đã hiểu đủ, bạn sẽ tự thấy quanh mình không còn những điều bất mãn nữa. Chẳng phải thế gian không còn cản bạn nữa, chỉ là bạn đã thôi không còn cản thế gian. Thế nên, thứ duy nhất có thể ràng buộc bản thân là tâm trí; và cũng chỉ tâm trí mới đủ khả năng giải thoát bạn khỏi mọi ràng buộc.

– Lu – Mann up

December 24
This Christmas, I learnt several Italian vocabularies thanks to my friend Ale :”))
By now, I have known several ways to say “Merry Christmas”.
Vietnamese: Chúc giáng sinh vui vẻ
French: Joyeux Noël
Italian: Buon Natale
German: Frohe Weihnachten

PicMonkeyCollage

December 28
It’s an inexpressible feeling when someone told you that they trusted you… 🙂

January 1
“Chú với cháu. Hết nợ nhé ?
Hết nợ rồi. Em tự do.”  🙂

January 3
Somehow… the truth always knows its way to come to find me. I dont even have to try to find it … but … it hurts … 🙂
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January 4
Khóc chán rồi thì tự lau nước mắt. Vấp ngã thì tự đứng lên. Hơn 4 năm xa nhà vẫn thế. Một mình thành quen 🙂 À đâu, còn bạn bè mà 🙂

January 6
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January 7
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I was crazy enough to get out of my bed at 9pm just in order to eat ice cream and to drink corn milk with my friends at a place 8km far from my place. :)) I just needed to be around by someone….

January 8
image
Vegetarian dinner with my student :”)

January 9
Thanks for always standing by me through thick and thin … friendship is the best ship of all…
Through Thick And Thin

I could skip a heartbeat, and I would survive,
I could be in a car crash, and still be alive.
The clouds could fall out of the sky,
The oceans could disappear, and all turn dry.

These things in life are all bad I know,
but there’s far worse things,
just thought you should know.

Life would not be the same without someone like you,
You’re there when I need you to help me through.
Through the good times and through the bad,
Be them happy, or be them sad.

I don’t have to be with you, to know you’re there,
We don’t have to see each other, to know that we care.
We could be apart for years upon end,
and still remain the best of friends.

Life goes on, and people change,
And through it all, our friendship shall remain the same.
That’s such as a life, and how things come to be.
Just thought you should know,
HOW MUCH YOU MEAN TO ME.

Source: http://www.familyfriendpoems.com/poem/through-thick-and-thin#ixzz3wlrXIlTT

“Sometimes a relationship may start out romantic and turn into an ordinary friendship. However, an ordinary friendship is nothing to scoff at. A relationship between a boy and girl that is platonic can be very valuable. You may be able to share things with each other that you cannot share with anyone else. The two of you can help each other develop romantic relationships with others. The friendship did not go where you intended it to. Perhaps it went somewhere better.”

Source: http://www.familyfriendpoems.com/poems/friend/just-friends/#ixzz3wlwkztA6

When friends are forced to be apart from each other for whatever length of time, it will be a difficult period for the two of them. They will be forced to go through their normal routines apart from each other. Each one may miss the qualities that the other contributed to the friendship. There is a saying that, “absence makes the heart grow fond”. This may be an opportunity for each of them to realize how important each one is to the other’s life. They will miss each other, and long for the time when they can be together again.

Source: http://www.familyfriendpoems.com/poems/friend/missing-you/#ixzz3wlzfS2FX

January 10

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Met new friend , Norah from Germany
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How funny it is when a person used to be said lack of experience become a love therapist for everyone :)))
January 11
I have been getting blepharitis T_T
Thanks to it, I learnt how to call this eye disease in many different languages.
Bệnh mắt lẹo: Vietnamese
Blepharitis: English
la blepharite: Italian
la blépharite: French
Lidrandentzündung: German
眼瞼炎 (Ganken-en): Japanese
Phew! T-T

… why should we fear what travel brings?
What were we hoping to get out of this?
Some kind of momentary bliss?

I waited for something, and something died
So I waited for nothing, and nothing arrived

It’s our dearest ally, it’s our closest friend
It’s our darkest blackout, it’s our final end
My dear sweet nothing, let’s start anew
From here on in it’s just me and you

I waited for something, and something died
So I waited for nothing, and nothing arrived

Well, I guess it’s over
I guess it’s begun
…It’s a funny battle, it’s a constant game
I guess I was busy when nothing came
….

“When you love someone, you’re patient enough to wait them and to encourage them to be better” – Obin

“It doesnt matter if it’s short or long, it must be serious” – Obin

“Wind’s standstill means death” – Obin

“Often in life we must make choices, and once we choose one path, another is sacrificed…” – Obin

January 12
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Like a juggler, in life we sometimes have to keep more than one ball in the air. Though we may drop the balls sometimes, if we can keep at it, with a smile on our face, we will become wiser and stronger, and ready to take on even more. —-after ending my part time job as a tutor for a student from WellSpring

“My heart feels pain again because of others’ stories … my life? I fucked up, again… because I care for them too much :))”

January 14
Obin’s status on whatsapp:

Em cười ai chẳng muốn nhìn, mấy ai chịu nghe em khóc. Mà thực ra thì em cũng đâu muốn khóc trước mặt ai…

I love winter, cold weather because thanks to them I feel the warmth of human heart…

I just love my mentor so much 🙂 Man proposes, God deposes. I will go with the flow and let fate do its job. 🙂

It gonna be a long-term argument to get the agreement between my two personalities. Maybe never … so It had better live in peace with conflict.

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Watching them being better day by day is a great feeling. ^-^

January 15
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Là tình bạn nhiều khi lãng mạn hơn tình yêu … 😚😚😚 sweet candies for sweet people… suddenly missing him 🙂

Why do you talk with me? Because you talk with me. Nice twist, mate! :)) but the smartest answer ever. Sometimes it’s simple like that…:)

January 16
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“Saying that “I love you” is not the words I want to hear from you … :)”
./.
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This afternoon, after having had a class, I drove my cousin around to find a new apartment for her. We started talking and discussed several things about business strategy and plan. It was fun when planning something with another person. You feel your life suddenly more meaningful… 🙂

January 17
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A heartwarming sunday morning with my housemate and her child – a little tiger. Seeing us watching Gao superman and Dragonball, she told me that it would be a long road until I could get married. :)) I dont even think about that for at least 5 upcoming years. :3 Who cares by the way ? (Of course except my parents :3 )

January 18
Sometimes I just want to be around by someone … doing nothing, sitting silently side by side … vừa ăn cái bánh choux dở nhất trần đời!

January 20
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I was so into teaching my new student. We both worked hard on our duties – Hanoi in a rainy day at a coffee shop!

January 21
ai cũng biết đau nhưng mấy ai dừng lại hỏi mình tại sao lại làm đau người khác…

January 23
[5]… good listeners usually dont know how to tell their own stories… I wished that I would have been able to know how I trully felt…
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Bloody cold T.T
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Last class with Hang before Tet Holiday…

January 24
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January 25
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“I want to live a single life with you. For our couple life would be the equivalent of our single lives today, but together…I want to talk in bed in the morning about all sorts of things, but sometimes, in the afternoon, I want us to decide to take different paths for the day… I want to be afraid with you. To do things I would not do with anyone else, because with you I am confident!… I want you to have your life, for you to decide on a whim to travel for a few weeks… I don’t always want to be invited for your evenings out and I don’t always want to invite you to mine. Then I can tell you about it and hear you tell me about yours the next day. I want something that will be both simple and at the same time not so simple. Something that will make sure that I often ask myself questions, but the minute I’m in the same room as you, I know. I want you to think that I’m beautiful, for you to be proud to say that we’re together. I want to hear you say you love me and I especially want to tell you in return…” – Isabelle Tessier

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….Sometimes fairness is not fair. Pay more attention to those who really care about you, Obin! You can not treat everyone the same:)
./.

After having taken the phone from my student, listened to her romantic story with her boyfriend recently, known that she has been happy, I happen to be happy too … 🙂 Positive energy is around me. My effort in listening, my patience spent for her got its fruits. 🙂 And about my cousin and her partner, I could sense that he started caring about her. I’m therefore happy for her too. 🙂

January 27
“A smile on your face can turn your life around” – Unknown
January 28

After a long time of being obsessed with the novel “Where the rainbows end” written by Cecelia Ahern, I ultimately have enough time to let my feelings about Alex and Rosie described in the book become lighter to watch the movie “Love, Rosie” based on this novel with freshly new points of view and emotions. To be honest, each of them has their own interesting perspectives and has their own ways to describe the love story of Alex and Rosie. And both of them actually brought me into tears, just in different ways…

“Can I take you to the dance ?” – Love, Rosie

P/s: By the way, sunlight has eventually broke through the clouds ..

After watching the movie If I stay (2014)
[If I stay based on the novel of Gayle Forman]
“Life is what happens when you are busy making other plans”
./.

Alone, having lived in this city for almost 5 years has taught me a lot. The place where there are either hot tempers or those people who are not easy to show others what they are really thinking taught me how to be patient. That taught me how to be smarter to recognize the hidden meanings of their words, how to be tougher to stand with their ironic sayings, how to keep silent and raise your voice in the right time at the right place, how to prove myself to get the respect. Those has made me better today, which I don’t think I could have learned if I am still at my home town where every one treats each other so nicely. 🙂

To be honest, my almost-five-year picture is not totally grey, still there good people like my friend’s family treating me like their child, my friends, not too many, being there for me every time I got up and down, cooking meal for me when I got sick, holding me when I got drunk, perking me up, giving me advice when I fell in my very first steps – Still there. I guess perhaps those bad things had greater impression on me than those good things. Or perhaps I forget looking into those bright spots on that picture. But you know, even they are the brightest spots I’ve ever seen, they still can not cover the whole night sky. I wish I could have chance to see more before I would leave here. That I chose to stay here, to leave my all friends in the south, getting here to pursue my dream 5 years ago gives me no right to regret or even to look back. And I know it. That’s life. 🙂
I would have never known how great my life used to be if I hadn’t moved here. Therefore I appreciate that period. I know it but I couldn’t smile whenever I thought of it. It has always been mixed feelings. I should keep reminding myself to smile from now on, at least as a last lesson this city will give me, as a gift.

./.
p/s: A touching movie btw. “What would you do if you had to choose?” – Choose!
January 30
Quite often whenever I asked why, everyone asked me why I had asked too much. :))
./.
“I am a flower quickly fading, here today and gone tomorrow…A wave tossed in the ocean, a vapor in the wind…” – Who am I 🎶

./.

“Le temps de lire, comme le temps d’aimer, dilate le temps de vivre” – Daniel Pennac

January 31
[Pour un dimanche pluvieux^^!]

Ce petit cœur qui ne bat pour personne
Ce petit cœur qui ne bat que pour lui

Ce petit cœur ennuyeux, monotone
Qui ne sait rien faire que pleurer sur lui
Tout juste si ce petit cœur frissonne
Lorsque le mien lui sourit

Peut-être qu’un jour il souffrira
Mais ce ne sera pas pour moi
Et ce jour là il m’oubliera

Ce petit cœur qui passe tout son temps
A s’écouter et à se regarder
Ce petit cœur à qui il plaît tant
De se savoir très aimé

Ce petit cœur c’est bien lui pourtant
Dont le mien ne peut se passer
Oui, ce petit cœur c’est bien lui pourtant
Dont le mien ne peut se passer

:))

February 1

Yen Tu mountain – Dong Pagoda – Uong Bi – Quang Ninh


February 2

Truc Lam Yen Tu Zen Monastery

Ba Vang Pagoda – Uong Bi – Quang Ninh

 

I was always afraid of others’ affection for me, even my affection to others … but sometimes (or due to SAD – Seasonal Affective Disorder – mostly cold weather) I really appericate it. It makes me be loved and feel love, remind me sometimes it doesn’t hurt to follow your heart a bit … :)I really like her family – Luc Nam – Bac Giang

 

February 3
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February 4

Tay Thien historical relic

Finished my 4-day trip with my friend.

Screenshot from 2016-02-05 10:12:51

February 6
[Again, old-fashioned conversation]
Timur: Why don’t you have boyfriend ?
Me: Huh, how do you know ? Is that so clear ?
T: Yea :))
M: It’s written on my face ? :))
T: kind of =)) or you have ?
M: No. 🙂
T: Why ?
M: It’s … just not the right time …
T: I admire your ambition …
M: *laugh* (Wow, This is not the first time others gave me compliments about not having boyfriend. Why is it so opposite to my Vietnamese friends and my parents :)))))))) ) Really ?
T: Yeah, I do. You were like me 3 years ago when I went to China to study. My mind back then was only for Chinese, how to master it, how to learn it. I completely concentrated on my study, on my future career…
M: …
T: Have you ever had ?
M: boyfriend ?
T: Yup.
M: Never … 🙂
T: Wow, that’s so great!
M: Lol =))) Why ?
T: Just admire your ambition so much. So you only think about your dream ?
M: … Hm, yes or maybe 🙂
T: Do you know that in China, they have a saying that “緣分還沒到” ?
M: What does that mean ?
T: It means “The fate has not arrived yet”
M: Ah, in Vietnam we might have similar saying: “Vạn sự tùy duyên”. The first two charaters are Duyên phận. I cannot translate it into English. It has more meanings than just “The fate has not arrived yet”. 緣/ Duyên means that perhaps we had some sort of connections in our previous life, that’s why we meet each other in this life, according to Buddhism. 分/ Phận means more towards a commitment between spouses. If we want to get married, we need to have 分, which means we own each other something in the previous life and this life we need to take care of each other to pay back. If they divorce, it simply means they done with their debts. 🙂 Therefore, we sometimes say “Có duyên nhưng không có phận” in Vietnamese. That means we may have a chance to be friends or become a couple but not enough meritorious deeds to become life partners.
T: … That’s interesting!

February 7
[Chuyện đêm giao thừa]

Nhà tớ (nơi tớ đang ở) có 3 chị em. Một ngôi nhà năm tầng, nhỏ, ấm, và cách biệt. Đó là những gì tớ cảm nhận và thấy thoải mái khi chuyển về đây. Đặc biệt nó còn có thang dẫn lên nóc nhà, nơi tớ có thể nhìn thấy cả khu mình đang ở. Cái đêm có sao băng Gemini, tớ đã trèo lên nóc nằm ngủ trên đó và ngắm sao. Ý tớ là, nó là một ngôi nhà gần với trong mơ của tớ.:) À, và nhà có ba chị em gái trong đó tính cả tớ. Mỗi người một tầng. Điểm đặc biệt là, hai chị trong nhà đều đã qua một đời chồng, có con và đều đã ly dị. Một chị năm nay đã 42 tuổi nhưng nhìn trẻ như gái băm. Một chị đã là gái băm và nhìn trẻ như gái đôi mươi. :)) Thực sự, tớ rất ngưỡng mộ các chị ấy. Một người phụ nữ, phải giỏi và cứng rắn thế nào để sống để tìm thấy tình yêu mới, để nuôi con trước cái nhìn của mọi người. Và cuộc sống ngoài này thì, ai cũng biết, còn lễ giáo, còn danh tiếng gia đình nhiều lắm. 🙂

Một chị, con mới 4 tuổi, ra đi hai bàn tay trắng, không được nhận quyền nuôi con. Bây giờ, chị xinh lắm, chị như trẻ con ý, tính tình xuề xòa và thoải mái, lương làm tiêu “chắc không hết” :)) nói chung là dư dả. Vì chị hay cười, nhìn như gái đôi mươi nên cũng khối anh vây quanh chị. Chị cũng đang hẹn hò với một anh. Nhưng để bảo cưới, còn lắm chông gai với gái đã từng lỡ đò. 🙂 Thỉnh thoảng nhìn trong mắt chị nét thoáng buồn khi nghe nhóc tì 4 tuổi nhõng nhẹo: “Con không cho mẹ cưới chồng đâu”.

Chị lớn tuổi hơn cũng có cái dạn dày sương gió và từng trải hơn. Một thân lập nghiệp ở Hà Nội, mua đất xây nhà. Đây cũng là cái Tết đầu tiên chị đón Tết ở mái nhà của riêng chị. Chị gọn gàng ngăn nắp, chỉn chu, sạch sẽ. Có cái ương ngạnh đủ để chống chọi lại với gai góc cuộc đời. Nhóc tì đã học lớp 6, không ở với mẹ mà ở với ông bà để tiện đi học. Còn chị phải chạy ngược xuôi Hà Nội, Hải Dương vì chị còn một cái shop quần áo nhỏ ở đó. Chị cũng đang trong một mối quan hệ. Nhưng mà cũng thật khó nói liệu nó sẽ đi tới đâu khi người kia đang có gia đình … Tớ hiểu chị nên tớ thương chị, người ngoài nhìn vào chắc sẽ có cái nhìn không mấy thiện cảm … Nhưng cứ thử cố gắng hiểu một người, mới nhìn họ với cái nhìn khác đi …

Tớ ngưỡng mộ các chị, càng ngưỡng mộ thì lại càng thương. Thỉnh thoảng mấy chị vẫn nói đùa, cần gì lấy chồng, ở một mình vừa tự do lại vừa vui vẻ …. Nhưng cũng có khi chị cũng phải thú nhận, lễ, Tết, trái gió trở trời … liệu còn vui khi một mình ….

Tớ không biết phải nói gì, với tớ học tập, công việc, ước mơ giường như vẫn còn nhỉnh hơn tình cảm riêng tư “một tí”. Ít nhất là tớ chưa đủ tự tin để cảm thấy có trách nhiệm không làm ai đó tổn thương hoặc chí ít là làm đau bản thân. 🙂 Hoặc là tớ chưa thể thấy tương lai nào ngay lúc này. Tớ cũng không đủ can đảm để yêu cầu người khác đợi mình, cũng không đủ can đảm để chấp nhận những gì tớ cảm nhận. Tớ để nó trôi đi hoặc sống với nó cho tới khi nó mờ nhạt theo thời gian. Vì vậy hãy cứ đi con đường của nhau. Nếu còn duyên, sẽ còn phận. Vì vậy hãy cứ yêu thương thôi nhưng đừng là gì của nhau lúc này cả. Nhìn thấy các chị, tớ càng thấy thương con gái, thấy đời người phụ nữ sao lắm truân chuyên …

Giao thừa này, nhà có hai chị em, ăn bữa cơm đạm bạc. Tí khỏe thì đi xem bắn pháo hoa. Vậy thôi, tạm thời nghĩ chi cho nhiều, Bin nhỉ ? 🙂

“Home is where the heart is”!

February 8
[Lan man trước năm mới tập 2]

Ở một mình nên hơi nhiều lời. Lắm lúc cũng thấy viết ra dễ hơn là nói. 🙂

Cám ơn bạn bè, lúc xa lúc gần, tỉ năm không nhắn cho nhau cái tin nào nhưng vẫn còn bám lấy nhau tới lúc này, vẫn chưa bước ra khỏi cuộc đời nhau. Cảm ơn những đứa bạn đặc biệt nắm giữ một số bí mật bốc mùi đã ở bên cạnh mình những khi khó khăn cũng như chia sẻ niềm vui cùng nhau. Cảm ơn những ngưòi dù không nói nhiều nhưng hằng ngày vẫn dõi theo, và nghĩ tới có một đứa bạn tên là vịt, vân heo, obin, bin muống, lùn, mét rưỡi :))) Vậy là đủ để cám ơn lắm rồi. :”)

Cám ơn ba mẹ, cậu mự đã luôn bên cạnh con, giúp đỡ khi con cần, chấp nhận tính cách con và cho con bầu trời tự do vừa đủ :”) Mong cả nhà đón Tết vui vẻ mà không có con. Bé Thảo thêm tuổi mới vâng lời ba mẹ. Dũng thêm tuổi mới tự tin hơn với mỗi bước đi và lựa chọn của mình. Con chưa thể làm được gì nhiều cho gia đình. Chỉ có thể nói những lời này thôi… 🙂

Mong cả nhà đều bình an.

Với bạn bè, nếu có gì không vui, có gì hiểu lầm, hãy tha thứ hoặc nói ra và quên đi. Nếu tớ còn gì thiếu sót, hãy xem tớ như người nhà mà thông cảm cho tớ nhé. 🙂

Chúc mọi người đón một cái Tết thật vui, ấm áp, một năm mới tiến gần hơn tới ước mơ và dự định của mình. Happy lunar new year!


Well open up your mind and see like me
Open up your plans and damn you’re free
Look into your heart and you’ll find love love love love

Listen to the music of the moment people, dance and sing
We’re just one big family
And it’s our God-forsaken right to be loved loved love love

So I won’t hesitate no more, no more
It cannot wait, I’m sure
There’s no need to complicate, our time is short
This is our fate, I’m yours

February 9
“Thực chất không có người xấu. Chỉ có người xấu với người này nhưng lại tốt với người khác hoặc xấu với người khác nhưng tốt với bản thân mình.” – Obin

February 10
“To me, sex means responsibility, means love, not just an intense feeling.” – Obin

I’m not sure if that’s a right decision or not. But if that’s her choice, I respect it. Eventually, I’m just an outsider and despite how much I care for her she is the only one who can make the decision of her love life and also has to bear with it. Maybe things are going to be better this time, who knows ? But honestly, I dont believe him, I dont believe that he is not going to hurt her again. Actually love includes pain. If you dont feel pain, you are not in love. I know it and that’s fine…. she can let herself be in pain again. I wont stop her. Despite how much he hurt her, she still forgave him after his apologies. But… yes but if it’s not a story between two persons. What if everything will turn back to the same as it was before after they will have had kids ? …. For me, forgiveness never means second chance when it comes to my belief. I can forgive for someone who used to betray me but it doesnt mean I would believe them again …. Ultimately, still that’s her choice, what can I do ? … 😦

February 11

Despite how much I love this place and my extended family, deep down I know that I dont belong to here… 😦 I really want to fly away. I can visit them but I can not live with them … I just feel like I’m so different in both thoughts and life style …. 😦

However, in life, there is a way you should never forget – the way back home …
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At Tĩnh Gia – Thanh Hóa
On our way back to my mother’s hometown with my relatives…

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Have a cup of coffee with a friend of my cousin in Vinh City – a sagittarius native (Dec 12). Another coincidence :))) reminded me a lot of memories 🙂
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Vegan takoyaki made by my cousin :”) A great treat for me at my uncle’s house in Vinh City.

February 14

“Đi với ai thấy vui, tôi sẽ đi cùng, nói chuyện với ai thấy hợp, tôi sẽ nói, và lòng thấy nhớ ai, tôi sẽ nhớ người đó.” – Khóc giữa Sài Gòn – A novel written by Nguyễn Ngọc Thạch – a birthday gift from my close friend, for another valentine day in peace :))

February 17
“Of course I’ll hurt you. Of course you’ll hurt me. Of course we will hurt each other. But this is the very condition of existence. To become spring, means accepting the risk of winter. To become presence, means accepting the risk of absence.” (Antoine de Saint-Exupéry).

“Pisces are referred to as the dreamers of the zodiac, they use their brilliance and imagination to escape reality when they dislike the reality they are faced with.

Their intuitive and imaginative natures give Pisces a strong sense of empathy. Empathy can be a double edged sword. They can easily confuse another’s emotions with their own. This causes enormous strain within them, as Pisces begins to neglect their own emotions. The confusion can be overwhelming, and can send them off into the dream world so easily available to them.

Introverts are no ‘better’ than extroverts. Pisces are typically introverts which conflicts with their adventurous spirits. They find it difficult to be themselves around new people but their constantly being surrounded by strangers in new situations. This conflict frequently means that they may not be projecting their feelings or thoughts as they would like.

Proud and compassionate, Pisces can whip themselves into a frenzy at times. The emotional toll of their compassion can be high with no one or thing limiting them. They feel genuinely for everyone, and may accidentally find themselves crossing oceans for a stranger.

Seen as one of the most independent of the zodiac signs for good reason. They do everything in their power to not have to rely on others. This pride leads them to pay higher tolls at times because they refuse to ask for help. If you are a Pisces, watch your resources and abilities carefully. Remember that your friends would be honored to help you when you need it. If you know a Pisces and want to offer aid, keep in mind their pride. Offer your assistance gently, stressing the mutual respect between you.” – idealist4ever.com/7-reasons-why-pisces-are-so-difficult-to-understand/

“This is what it means to be independent: you make your own decisions, you stand on your own two feet, you pull yourself up when you fall down, and you have your sh*t together.

You have always been this way, always been okay on your own. You have never been afraid to go solo and to trust yourself. And you are continually looking for ways to be even more self-sufficient, to carve your own life path, to do what you want.

But you also love. And love terribly, beautifully, fully. You love with a passion that’s sickening. A consuming, knotting, mess of emotion that interweaves you with another person. A love that twists your feelings, throws you upside-down, and makes you put your faith and stubbornness and fiercely-independent self in the hands of this other person.

Because of this, you live in a constant state of tension.

There are two things you want—to be your own person and to love—but you want them just as equally. You crave that sense of self, the ability to not have to depend on anyone else for the life you want. But when you love, you mesh your life with another person’s. Willingly. Happily. The path you have set for yourself becomes tangled with that person’s. And this both thrills and terrifies you.

Neither side makes you fully happy. Neither side leaves you feeling complete. You cannot seem to find a balance because you crave both things so equally. And so you live in this place of tension—what you want and who you are, what you are becoming and yet so scared to be.

You are not complete without both—without the strength you carry, without the tears and words and kisses you freely give.” – http://idealist4ever.com/read-this-if-you-are-fiercely-independent/

—-> I am a perfect mistake of both. :))
February 18
“A man of quality is not afraid of equality”
“Ignorance is bliss”
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“Happiness starts with you. Not with your relationships, not with your job, not with your money, but with you.”
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“Breath. You’re going to be okay. Breathe and remember that you’ve been in this place before. You’ve been in this uncomfortable annxious and scared, and you’re survived. Bathe and know that u can survived this too. These feeling can’t break you. They’re paintful and debilitating, but you can sit with them eventually, they will pass. Maybe not immediately, but sometime soon, they are going to fade and when they do, you’ll look back at this moment and laugh for having doubted your resilence. I know it feels unbearable right now, but keep breathing, again and again. This will pass. I promise it will pass.” – Daniell Koepke

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Another early birthday present from my close friend :”) :”) I’ve just received it this morning :”) hehe
Sáng đang trùm chăn hỉ mũi và ho như chưa từng được ho, thấy cái số lạ gọi xuống nhận bưu phẩm. Lết xuống nhà, ho từ trong nhà ra ngoài cổng, chưa thấy mặt đã nghe tiếng. Ló mặt ra cổng thấy có một anh đứng đầu ngõ. Bạn ý hỏi:
– Chị xuống nhận bưu phẩm đúng không ạ ?
Mặt không rửa, răng chưa đánh, tóc thì xõa ra như một con người rừng. Cơ mà nghĩ gặp nhau có một lần thôi thì cũng chẳng cần phải giữ gìn thể diện nữa. T.T Bạn ý nhìn cười hỏi:
– Ai tặng mà gói quà đẹp thế này ?
– À. Dạ bạn mình.
Tính bảo người yêu cơ mà thôi tha cho người ta còn đi lấy chồng… :”))) Bạn ý lại cười. Lúc mình vừa ho vừa ký, bạn ý cẩn thận đè giấy cho mình ghi và bảo:
– Thôi nhận quà vậy là sướng rồi lên nghỉ đi cho hết cảm :))
Mình vừa cười vừa cầm quà trên tay đầu nghĩ mình có bốc mùi chưa nhỉ cơ mà vẫn cố gắng tươi tỉnh trả lời.
– À à. Mình cám ơn. ^-^
Đại ý là mới được nhận quà “người yêu” gửi thôi. :”) :”) hihi
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February 19
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“The truth is, none of us are easy to date, deal with, or please all the time. We all have our vices, attitudes, and wat of doing things that make us who we are. You won’t like everything about somebody, it’s impossible. This is life, it isn’t about finding the perfect person, it isn’t about living some fairy tale; it’s about finding something you’re willing to work for, with somebody who’s willing to work with you. That’s simple, find someone who has a heart for you and never stop fighting for them.”- from fb/idealist
./.
“A wise women who was traveling in the mountains found a precious stone in a stream. The next day she met another traveler who was hungry, and the wise woman opened her bag to share her food. The hungry traveler saw yhe precious stone and asked the woman to give it to him. She did so without hesitation. The traveler left, rejoicing in his good fortune. He knew the stone was worth enough to give him security for a lifetime. But a few days later he came back to return the stone to the wise woman. “I’ve been thinking,” he said, “I know how valuable the stone is, but I give it back in the hope that you can give me something even more precious. Give me what you have within you that enable you to give me the stone.” – “The wise woman’s stone” Author Unknown

February 21
Spent the whole day with my mom and my cousin …

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February 22
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Brought my mom into the airport …

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“Honesty is the highest form of intimacy.” – From fb/idealist

February 23
“No one loses anyone, because no one owns anyone. That is the true experience of freedom: having the most important thing in the world without owning it.” – Paulo Coelho – Eleven Minutes

February 24
This is how the story went
I met someone by accident
Who blew me away

I wish I could lay down beside you
When the day is done
And wake up to your face against the morning sun
But like everything I’ve ever known
You’ll disappear one day
So I’ll spend my whole life hiding my heart away
…Woke up feeling heavy hearted
I’m going back to where I started
The morning rain
… And though I wish that you were here
On the same old road that brought me here
It’s calling me home
…But like everything I’ve ever known
You’ll disappear one day
So I’ll spend my whole life hiding my heart away

I can spend my whole life hiding my heart away 🙂
– Hiding my heart away – Adele

February 26
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Italy? again? Really? :)) Or maybe it was just because I was too sensitive to anything related to Italy recently ? :))) 3 months ago, the word “Italy” never caught my attention :))) Perhaps it’s always been there, around me …. :)))
I will find a man who would never be afraid of my reading his mind. But would I still be able to do that when it would come ? Because as they always say: “Love is blind”…

February 27
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What would you do when you like and dont like someone at the sametime? When what your head tells you is different from what your heart feels ?
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Kể cũng tội … She tried really hard for the upcoming examination … 🙂 very proud of her 🙂

February 28
“As long as you dont have to give your heart to anyone, things will be always simple as it always is. Up till now, I still think that I have been right to keep my deepest feeling for myself (except once :)) ). Emotion is something which comes and goes, actually like everything else. Life, in contrast, is the thing you have to deal and bear with. :)” – Obin on not-so-normal Sunday

February 29
“My favorite thing is when people remember little things I told them. Like seriously? You actually listened to me? Thank you!” – fb/The idealist
./.
“You realize how much you truly miss someone when something happrns, good or bad, and the only person you want to tell is the one person who isn’t there.”- fb/the idealist
./.
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“There’s no shame in missing her, a man on the outside with the heart of a boy.” —–> I always feel empathy for those talking about their mom…

March 1

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March 2
“There are perhaps no days of our childhood we lived so fully as those we spent with a favorite book.” – Marcel Proust
./.
“She lives in her own little world. It’s the same world other people live in but her mind interprests it differently for her. She doesn’t see things we see, and we don’t see the things she does. It’s no wonder why she’s so isolated from the rest of us. No one would understand her little world if they ever got a peek at it. They’d see that she’s a bit insane, but is she really? Or is she the only sane one?” – fb/the idealist
./.
“It takes a certain type of person to be able to walk alone in the darkness and come out years later .. smiling, and a better person than what they were before they had entered it…” – fb/the idealist
./.
“It didn’t matter what people thought about her. Her focus was never on small talk. She had better things to do with her life, like become a better person. She didn’t care what people said behind her back because most of them never had the guts to say it to her face anyway. She didn’t care if people believed in her or were going to pick up and leave. What she offered was more than good enough and anyone who wanted to walk away from that … Well that was on them.” – fb/the idealist
./.
“When someone did sth bad to me, that’s the chance for me to remind myself how wonderful others around have been treating me. :)” – Obin
./.
“I think you were wrong about Caroline. I realize that I may not be able to explain what I feel for her, but it is something. And yeah, maybe all love isnt true love in the messed up way that you and I have experienced it but, I think this could turn into something even better.” Stefan – The Vampire Diary
March 8
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I’m tired. Please help me. Have you ever said that to someone ? Try! (Watching you silently each days)
March 9
I dont want to die here, not in my hometown or my country, even better if not on Earth. – Obin
March 11
“Taking good care of yourself is a sweetest revenge” – Obin
March 12

“Before anything you would want to say, say you trust me for whatever I will do and won’t misunderstand me, before you say that you like me. Belief is priceless. And I value it more than anything… how can you be in love with someone while you dont trust each other?” – Obin

./.
“I dont need anything from you but sincerity and honesty” – Obin
March 13
“Whenever you’re called on to make up your mind,
and you’re hampered by not having any,
the best way to solve the dilemma, you’ll find,
is simply by spinning a penny.
No – not so that chance shall decide the affair
while you’re passively standing there moping;
but the moment the penny is up in the air,
you suddenly know what you’re hoping.”
-Piet Hein, poet and scientist (1905-1996)

“We began as wanderers, and we are wanderers still.” – Carl Sagan

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March 15

Mới 2 năm thôi mà …. sao cảm giác suy nghĩ thay đổi nhiều vậy nhỉ. Buồn, dở hơi, …. bị ngấm cảm xúc của người khác nên chả vui nỗi. Cũng ngộ, có những người mình chưa gặp bao giờ, nhưng cảm giác mình có thể ở vị trí của họ để nghĩ vậy. Nhưng mà thành ra nhiều lúc cứ như một đống người cứ đánh nhau trong cái đứa Obin. 2s trước mình là người này để nói chuyện, 2s sau mình lại là người khác để phân bua. Rồi cả tâm trạng cứ đi xuống dần đều. Mình cảm giác ấm áp khi người khác kể chuyện cho mình. Nhưng sau đó mình lại cảm giác mệt. Cứ như bị nhấn chìm trong thùng nước vậy. Không thở được. Lại ngồi đấm ngực một mình …. Ừ thì sau đó cũng hết thôi, nhưng giờ thì mệt lắm, mệt mà mắt cứ thao láo, sợ nhắm mắt lại mọi thứ lôi hết vào giấc ngủ, lại ngủ chả ngon …. 😦 Bật nhạc nghe, rồi lại cuộn tròn trong chăn, nhìn vu vơ vậy … chả biết nên làm gì ….

… Đi dạy về, ngồi lẩn thẩn trong phòng, lại di chuột từ tab này qua tab kia, rồi hỏi kế hoạch của ngày mai là gì 🙂 Rồi ngồi mở lại đống ảnh ngày xưa ra xem, đọc lại tin nhắn cũ của mọi người :)) ừ, công nhận, 2 năm trước, mình nghĩ mọi thứ còn đơn giản lắm. Thực ra là những thứ mình từng nghĩ phức tạp, giờ mình lại nghĩ đơn giản, còn những thứ mình từng nghĩ đơn giản, sao giờ lại đắn đo ?! 🙂

… không biết nữa …. ghi ra vậy cho nhẹ bớt thôi, chắc cũng không còn ý nghĩa gì khác …. mình nhớ mình từng ước được làm siêu nhân, ừ thì giờ vẫn thế … cơ mà sao thấy mình càng ngày càng bé vậy nhỉ, nghĩa đen lẫn nghĩa bóng …. :\

…Nhớ nhiều nhưng cũng chẳng muốn nhớ ai …. sợ cảm giác lại gần rồi lại tự vơ lấy cuộc sống của họ vào mình … mình chỉ có một cuộc sống này thôi, chỉ có 24h này thôi … không làm được gì hết …. thực sự ước được là siêu nhân …. T_T

When I write, all my sadness disappears….
“I think a lot, but I don’t say much.” ― Anne Frank
“Because paper has more patience than people. ”
― Anne Frank

“A quiet conscience makes one strong!” ― Anne Frank
“We all live with the objective of being happy; our lives are all different and yet the same.” ― Anne Frank
“In spite of everything, I still believe that people are really good at heart.” ― Anne Frank
“No one has ever become poor by giving.” ― Anne Frank

“Look at how a single candle can both defy and define the darkness.” ― Anne Frank

“Where there’s hope, there’s life. It fills us with fresh courage and makes us strong again.” ― Anne Frank
./.
[After reading the article: Signs that you’re an empath ]

With age I’ve been learning how to control it better. Still not easy at all… I think that I started to compare myself as a sponge when I was 11. It wasn’t until 11 year later, I knew the term of empath. I used to wonder what was wrong with me through all my childhood and adolescence …
Some of my friends they hated me whenever I set up boundaries for myself. They just didn’t know what happened and I unfortunately didn’t know how to explain… That was when I felt overwhelmed about everything. I couldn’t be mad at someone because of having been afraid of hurting them. I couldn’t talk to them how I truly felt because I didn’t know where I should have started. We ended up drifting apart. A friend of mine told me that sometimes it was not always a bad thing to let everything out of your mind, just be sure of getting back together to tackle, to apologize and to work things out; Fortunately, those close friends are still beside me till now, having been always generous to me. They accept me when I come back after having stayed in my solitude world…

…. but please don’t think that an empath is always nice so please don’t expect that from me … If you do so, I will finally end up being guilty more than you can imagine 😦 It puts me under a great pressure of being afraid of hurting others. Every time I was not nice, pls understand that I had absorbed so many things before ….anger, sadness, happiness, ambivalence, coldness from others ….That’s why I frequently require my private time a lot in order to let everything go out of my head, my heart …. That doesn’t mean I hate anyone, I just need to be in solitude for a while, to restore my energy …
The great achievement I have gained recently is that somehow I can choose what I want to forget and completely forget everything, usually using my monologue and my imagination…

March 16
Khóc với chị sưng hết cả mắt …. đời cay nghiệt, người cũng ngay nghiệt …. thương chị mà chả biết làm gì, biết ngồi khóc cùng vậy thôi …
Chị dặn: “Đời đàn bà, không tự bảo vệ mình, ko ai bảo vệ mình đâu em.”

Thực ra thì đời ai cũng thế, ko tự thương mình thì chả ai thương mình, không biết tự thương mình, thì sao thương được ai.

Chị hỏi: “Ở một mình vậy không buồn à?”. Mình lại thấy vậy là quen rồi, thêm một người bước vào đời, vui thì ít, buồn thì nhiều, rồi cũng lại là làm khổ nhau.

Có những chuyện mãi không hiểu, thì người ta thường để đấy mặc kệ nó hoặc là chấp nhận nó… Mình chọn mặc kệ, vì mình không thể chấp nhận được. Với mình, hiểu mình mới chấp nhận.

Chị dặn: “Đàn ông đừng tin ai cả.” Bảo tin, mình rất tin, bảo ko tin mình cũng nghĩ là ko tin, suy cho cùng, mình tin vào bản thân mình hơn. Dựa vào mình, mới không làm gánh nặng cho ai, cũng không cảm giác chơi vơi khi mất đi chỗ dựa. Hằng ngày nhìn vào gương, cái đứa trong gương cần mày nhiều hơn tất cả …. bin à 🙂

Càng gần, lại càng xa. 2 3 năm trước nghĩ thế, giờ vẫn thấy chả sai. 🙂

Nhìn cái dáng nhỏ nhỏ của chị, mặc bộ đồ nhà, tự bước lên xe taxi đi truyền nước, lòng tự nhiên thấy nhói nhói ….

[Gửi anh của ngày mai :)) ]
“Không cần anh hiểu em, em hiểu em là đủ mệt rồi. Chỉ cần đừng hiểu lầm em là được.”- Obin

March 17

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… with my “girlfriend” :3 we dont need to talk frequently but strangely we have been always close like that ❤ ❤
March 18


March 19
“Đôi khi cảm giác anh tin em còn hơn em tin chính bản thân mình…”
./.
“She could be hell on some days, heaven on others. Sunny one some days, gloomy on others. You had to experience both to understand her beauty.” – Iambrillyant
./.
“I love sleep. You forget about pain, problems, stress, everything for a while.” – fb/the idealist
./.
“I aksed my heart why I can’t sleep at night?
Heart replied, “Because you slept in the afternoon, don’t act like you’re in love.” – fb/the idealist
./.
“People change for two main reasons: eother their minda have been opened or their hearts have been broken.” – fb/the idealist
./.
“If there is even a slight chance at getting somehing that will make you happy, RISK IT. Life is too short and happiness is too rare.” – A.R Lucas
./.
Let me hurt you and let me heal you.
./.
Time is never enough for letting someone know that you love them
./.
I sometimes feel like I’m a trouble attractor. Everythings around me always know how to find me “perfectly”. My life sometimes seems like a drama.
March 22

Honestly feel tired now …. ;(( is it true that I still have another choice ??? I dont know. Recently I have had to focus on my finding house, which helped me forget my feeling a bit. But it prevented me from taking care of my future… I still have a lot of things to do but I still have been struggling with so many other small things like house, friends, my students …. I could have said no but I could not have done that …. my mind now is fulled of trash…. and I dont know how to get rid of it …. :((( several images in the past flashed in my mind, A**, Q****, Q****, T****, T*** K**, D***, my debt, my mom, my dad, my younger brother, my aunt…. when will I be able to start living my own life???? Only today left to sort out the house issue for one and only last time…. pls pls be nice to me, life! Step by step, one by one, I will make it easier for me …. T.T yesterday, a guy happened to approach me to ask for direction, which reminded me how misserible my english speaking skill is now…:((( (I guess he is a sry lankan guy… too many sry lankans around hanoi) I really need to relieve these feeling immediately…. I feel so burdened …. :(( normally I would cry but now … why cant I do that ? :((((

Sometimes I just need people, I just need humanity… someone I could feel comfortable around …. I have never needed someone as much as I do now… I just want to finish all of these stuffs to get back to you as fast as I can. Who are you, I dont even know… I really dont know whom I need right now… T**** A** or A*****’s family or my family ? I really dont know…. My heart feels confusing…. I’m confused too… My head doesnt help in this case at all …. I need to be around by someone but why not Q****, why not D*** ???? Why am I feeling so distant even I’m sleeping next to her and he is just in another room, only divided by a wall ??? What should I do ? What am I supposed to do ? I thought that I had understood myself better but why I am so in ambivalence now ???

March 23
“I’m mad at myself, not you. I’m mad for always being nice. I’m mad for apologizing for things I didn’t do. I’m mad for getting attached. I’m mad for thinking about you, but most of all I’m mad for not hating you, when I should” – Someone
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I want to fall in love once but I also love my freedom. What should I do? 🙂 I know for sure once I get involved to a romantic relationship, I will find hard to hold it back but falling deeply into it. That’s what I’m most afraid of despite how much rational I am when giving others several useful advices about their romantic life … Somehow through those passing years, I turned every potentially romantic relationships around me to friendship, brothership, companionship…. which made me be loved in another way, less hurt, less expectation and still guarantee my freedom… is that a right way to go? I’m wondering now ….

./.

I really dont get it. I dont understand how others react with the third person in their relationship. Problems always come from inside not outside. And if something means to belong to you, it will always do. If it doesnt, better let it go instead of fighting each other because of a person. Is it worth doing that ?

./.
Of course I believe in love. I just dont believe in people much.
./.

If oneday there is a third person between you and me, I will let you go. It’s not true that I will easily do that, of course it hurts. But the thing is that if there is still me in your heart, there will never be a third person… that means you dont belong to me anymore ….

./.
If you dont understand what you are thinking and what you are feeling, you will end up hurting others, including yourself.
./.
Red thread of fate…
./.
…even how hurt it is as long as it’s the truth, I’m willing to hear it… 🙂
March 24
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With Dina from Singapore 🙂

./.
To my “future”:
If one day I trouble you so much because of helping others, please forgive me….
./.
“Em cứ sống như thế dù em tốt người khác cũng không ưa em” :)))
Bà chị họ nói thêm câu này với mình là quá đủ cho một ngày như hôm nay rồi :)))
Đau :))
./.

Yep. It’s my life, freely giving unconditionally with my available ability. I have never thought that I would make any prior conditions of making friends, of choosing anyone to be around. I’m always open to everyone as long as they consider me as their friend but now I think through. If you couldnt stand that life style of mine, we’d better not be friends… That’s sad for both (or maybe just for me) but will make us less stress…. I dont want to be hurt. I cant change who I am. There are some people who are just not meant for me. I get it now… even though I tried really hard to put myself into their shoes. I was tired! Take care of your life!

./.

E sống đúng và e sống thật. E sống và luôn nghĩ cho người khác. E làm sai thì e xin lỗi. Bảo e sống khéo e không làm được. Khi em lùi là em đứng ở vị trí của người khác để hiểu cái lý của họ. Em hiểu, thông cảm nên em lùi. Chứ e ko lùi với những cái vô lý. Cám ơn chị nhưng chị em mình ko đồng quan điểm. Em không sống 2 mặt như thế dc, em ko nịnh bợ được

March 25

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March 26
… too tired for any explanations …. you and me are just too different …
“Alice: How long is forever ?
White rabbit: Sometimes, just one second.” – Lewis Carroll
./.
“I am a firm believer that people who are meant to be in your life will come back no matter how far they may wander” – from fb/the idealist
./.
Happy birthday, my friend! 🙂
./.
“I will not be another flower, picked for my beauty and left to die. I will be wild, difficult to find, and impossible to forget.”- Erin Van Vuren

March 27
It is really interesting how closely two persons could be connected without even having ever seen each other before….
./.
…. thanks for allowing me to be unsure and lost in front of you…where I feel comfortable …. where I would never be judged…

March 28
[…]
Nếu một ngày em về nhà và bỗng dưng im lặng, làm ơn đừng hỏi gì em nhé. Chỉ cần một cái ôm và cho em rúc đầu vào một tí thôi là đủ rồi…
./.
học trò
./.
phụ huynh
./.
nhà cửa
./.
bệnh viện
./.
người nằm trên đường
./.
gia đình
./.

cảm giác lúc này là chỉ muốn ngủ một giấc ….
March 29
Lang thang Hồ Tây. Mọi nơi là nhà. Hy vọng mọi chuyện sẽ ổn. 🙂
Chocolate and rum make a great couple :3 hee hee
./.
Cách tự tử:
3 bánh giò + 2 su kem chiên + 1 bánh sừng bò to + 1 bánh mì không + 1 hộp su kem tròn 6 cái + 1 cốc chocolat rum ….
Nhưng chưa chết …. vẫn còn hấp hối và thở khó nhọc ==!
March 30
image

[New shelter]
Cần bình yên và được làm những gì mình muốn – tự do, còn lại mình không nghĩ nhiều đâu …. 🙂

I’m sure you’re probably busy getting on with your new life
So far away from
So far away from

When everything we used to say was wrong is now alright
Where has the time gone
Where has the time gone

If you’re ever feeling lonely
If you’re ever feeling down
You should know you’re not the only one ‘cause I feel it with you now
When the world is on your shoulders and you’re falling to your knees
Oh please
You know love will set you free

I took a long and lonely walk up to an empty house
That’s where I’ve come from
Where have you come from

The more I live, the more I know, I’ve got to live without
This ain’t no sad song
Life has to go on

If you’re ever feeling lonely
If you’re ever feeling down
You should know you’re not the only one ‘cause I feel it with you now
When the world is on your shoulders and you’re falling to your knees
Oh please
You know love will set you free


Love will set you free

Happy Birthday, my love, my friend, my sister Thao Ho 🙂

April 1
“Each person must find his or her own path. Nonetheless, seek guidance from wise and compassionate people and listen to them earnestly. This will help you find the best way to proceed – now and in the future.”
– Karmapa on Guidance
Source
./.
“Never apologize for what you feel. It’s like saying sorry for being real.”-unknown
./.
“I didnt change. You just never knew me.”-unknown
./.
“Having a soulmate isnt always about love. You can find your soulmate in a friendship too. “-unknown
./.
“When will I stop being a me to start being a we ???” – a status from 3 years ago 2013

April 4
“When you want so much to get close to someone, you somehow get to pretend as if you don’t know the person” – Unknown

image

image

April 6
The flame of emotion will burn both of us… to be safe, keep it cool! 🙂
April 8
… learning how to live alone to be able to live together … 🙂
April 9
… you are not failing, you are learning…
./.

Tu sais que j’ai du mal
Encore à parler de toi
Il parait que c’est normal
Y’a pas de règles dans ces jeux la
Tu sais j’ai la voix qui se serre
Quand je te croise dans les photos
Tu sais j’ai le cœur qui se perd
Je crois qu’il te pense un peu trop

C’est comme ça, c’est comme ça…

C’est dur de briser le silence
même dans les cris même dans la fête
C’est dur de combattre l’absence
Car cette conne n’en fait qu’à sa tête
Et personne ne peut comprendre –
On a chacun sa propre histoire
On m’a dit qu’il fallait attendre
Que la peine devienne dérisoire

C’est comme ça, c’est comme ça…

Je voulais te dire que j’étais fier
D’avoir été au moins un jour
Un peu ton ami et ton frère
Même si la vie a ces détours

C’est comme ça, c’est comme ça…


./.
[Độc thoại]
Có nhiều chuyện khi phức tạp quá ngưỡng hiểu biết và không muốn hiểu, người ta lơ nó đi, ngừng đặt câu hỏi, chấp nhận như tiên đề. :)) Có thể một ngày nào đó, họ sẽ lật lại và tự hỏi bản thân mình, nhưng mà tương lai thì cũng cứ để cho tương lai. Cuộc sống còn nhiều hơn một thứ để nghĩ mà. 🙂 Còn tốt được với nhau ngày nào thì hãy cứ tốt, vậy thôi. 🙂 Bin nhờ?
April 10
Loving someone and being in a relationship is not easy at all. I feel that it’s like working on a project. You have to put your maximum effort to get at least something. It’s not always a sucessful project but from that you have a chance to learn something. Still it takes you so much energy to maintain so you also have to learn how to run parallel projects…. and it’s difficult… 😦
April 14
Is black hole the most selfish thing in the world?
./.
Đã đến lúc……..

Em lại trở về nguyên vẹn chính em…
Đôi khi hát ngu ngơ, đôi khi buồn vô cớ
Giọt nước mắt là khi em nhớ
Và nụ cười là những lúc em quên

Sau mỗi bão giông em sẽ lớn lên
Sẽ nhận thấy đường còn dài và rộng
Đôi chân bước có khi lạc vào khoảng trống…
Nhưng sẽ có ngày, tìm được lối em đi

Dẫu khát khao mà chẳng được điều chi
Em vẫn sống cho riêng mình- thực tại
Cuộc đời ai nên khôn chẳng đôi lần dại
Em biết ước mơ và cũng biết hài lòng…
(dù đã đăng một lần, nhưng hôm nay muốn đọc lại – 14/04/2012)
April 16
… “A women without her man is nothing.” How do you punctuate this sentence ?
April 18
Stt 18/01/2014
“Có những điều trong cuộc sống này chỉ có tự thân trải ngiệm mới nhận biết được. Nhưng, nỗi sợ khiến người ta quên đi điều hiển nhiên đó.
(…)
Mỗi người là một thế giới riêng với quy luật vận động riêng có và theo một lẽ chỉ có độc chủ nhân mới hiểu một cách trọn vẹn. Mà người càng thông minh thì càng ý thức được sự cô độc của riêng mình và mọi người. Bởi vậy, họ không sợ cô đơn. Họ đánh bạn với nó và biến nó thành một không gian tuyệt vời để suy nghĩ, trải nghiệm và khám phá cuộc sống.
(…)
Từ lúc bạn chào đời, tạo hóa thử thách bạn bằng chính tiếng khóc. Cứ từng bước ta bước đi thì con đường càng lúc càng khó khăn, bạn gục ngã hay đứng dậy là quyết định của bạn.
(…)
dù bạn là ai, thì cũng sẽ phải thất bại trên con đường đời ít hay nhiều. Nếu đã quá mệt mỏi thì hãy nghỉ ngơi trước khi đứng dậy rồi đi tiếp. Nếu đã vấp ngã quá nhiều thì hãy tìm một điểm tựa để dừng chân trước khi đủ sức để đi tiếp cuộc hành trình. Và trên hết dù thất bại bao nhiêu lần thì đừng bao giờ sợ nó, bởi đôi chân bạn đứng vững chắc bao nhiêu là nhờ số lần bạn vấp ngã bấy nhiêu.”

—————Freely.vn———————————

1613969_1390897477836049_690949110_n
./.
It is difficult to be optimistic when we are in pain, but pain is a strong motivator to change. When you feel pain, and do something to fix it, you grow. – Unknown
./.

“Some of us learn from mistakes, and some of us are the other people.” Zig Ziglar

./.
Don’t let harsh words burn you! – Unknown
./.
“A mind that is stretched by a new experience can never go back to its old dimensions.” – Oliver Wendell Holmes
./.
“I’m sorry because I met you. It has never been right!” – Obin
./.
“The opposite of love is not hate. It is apathy.” – Obin
April 21
No man is an island,
Entire of itself,
Every man is a piece of the continent,
A part of the main.
If a clod be washed away by the sea,
Europe is the less.
As well as if a promontory were.
As well as if a manor of thy friend’s
Or of thine own were:
Any man’s death diminishes me,
Because I am involved in mankind,
And therefore never send to know for whom the bell tolls;
It tolls for thee.

by John Donne
./.
Love is about choices. It is.
==============================
There’s an old proverb that says you can’t choose your family. You take what the fates hand you. And like them or not, love them or not, understand them or not, you cope. Then there’s the school of thought that says the family you’re born into is simply a starting point. They feed you, and clothe you, and take care of you, until you’re ready to go out into the world and find your tribe.
./.
Life is not a spectator sport. Win, lose, or draw, the game is on. So go ahead … argue with the ref, change the rules, cheat a little, take a break and tend to your wounds. But play. Play. Play hard, play fast … play loose and free. Play as if there’s no tomorrow.
./.
Boundaries don’t keep other people out; they fence you in. Life is messy, that’s how we’re made. So you can waste your life drawing lines or you can live your life crossing them.
./.
After careful consideration and many sleepless nights, here’s what I’ve decided. There’s no such thing as a grown-up. We move on, we move out, we move away from our families and form our own. But the basic insecurities, the basic fears and all those old wounds just grow up with us… We get bigger, we get taller, we get older. But, for the most part, we’re still a bunch of kids, running around the playground, trying desperately to fit in.
./.
Communication. It’s the first thing we really learn in life. Funny thing is, once we grow up, learn our words and really start talking the harder it becomes to know what to say. Or how to ask for what we really need.
./.
Maybe we like the pain. Maybe we’re wired that way. Because without it, I don’t know, maybe we just wouldn’t feel real. What’s that saying? Why do I keep hitting myself with a hammer? Because it feels so good when I stop.
./.
Remember when you were a kid and your biggest worry was, like, if you’d get a bike for your birthday or if you’d get to eat cookies for breakfast. Being an adult? Totally overrated. I mean seriously, don’t be fooled by all the hot shoes and the great sex and the no parents anywhere telling you what to do. Adulthood is responsibility. Responsibility, it really does suck. Really, really sucks. Adults have to be places and do things and earn a living and pay the rent. And if you’re training to be a surgeon, holding a human heart in your hands, hello? Talk about responsibility. Kind of makes bikes and cookies look really, really good, doesn’t it?
./.
We’re adults. When did that happen? And how do we make it stop?
./.
But here’s the truth about the truth: It hurts. So we lie.
———————— MEREDITH GREY – from Grey’s anatomy
April 22

April 24
“The one that is meant for us is going to be the hardest to get, the hardest to keep and the hardest to accept because through all that the love will grow stronger. Love wasn’t made to be easy, otherwise we wouldn’t end up with the right person. We would end up with the first one who comes along. By struggling we single out the wrong ones and realize who really is the one.” – Unknown
April 26
Un tiens vaut mieux que deux tu l’auras! “Whenever you’re ready, I’m here.” I wish I could tell you everything…
./.
Don’t be too good to me …

April 30
No expectations, no disappointments… Still I wished you had been here…
./.
“Too often, the thing you want most is the one thing you cant have… ” 🙂
. /.

May 1
Si Jamais j’oublié

Rappelle-moi le jour et l’année,
rappelle-moi le temps qu’il faisait
et si j’ai oublié,
tu peux me secouer.

Et s’il me prend l’envie d’m’en aller,
enferme-moi et jette la clé,
aux piqûres de rappel
dis comment je m’appelle.

Si jamais j’oublie les nuits que j’ai passées,
les guitares et les cris,
rappelle-moi qui je suis,
pourquoi je suis en vie.

Si jamais j’oublie les jambes à mon cou,
si un jour je fuis,
rappelle-moi qui je suis,
ce que je m’étais promis.

Rappelle-moi mes rêves les plus fous,
rappelle-moi ces larmes sur mes joues
et si j’ai oublié
combien j’aimais chanter…
. /.
… You helped me keep my feet on the ground… Thanks 🙂
./.
Sometimes I can not find any reasons for everything I have done… Somehow I just did it, didn’t even know why … :))

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