Gap-year Diary – Chapter 6 – Summertime 2016: Hanoi – Saigon – Taipei

July 4
With roommate

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July 6

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July 7
Dinner out with friends, trying Indian cuisines

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July 8
Un an de plus que je me caille
Je meurs de froid
Un an de plus et je me taille
Ouaip,
Je rêve de t’voir
Les nuits cent fois sans toi,
Moi j’espérais tout bas
Les nuits sans toi, sans foi,
Revenir sur mes pas

Ouais la vie nous sépare mais je te vois
oui, chaque fois plus proche de moi
Des heures, des jours, des mois
Je ne sais pas, si loin de moi
T’es toujours là
Ouais la vie nous sépare mais je te vois
oui, chaque fois plus proche de moi
Des heures, des jours, des mois
Loin de toi, t’es toujours là

Un an de plus et malgré moi
Je reste loin de toi
Un an de plus à user mes petits doigts
Ouais rien, rien que pour toi
Les nuits cent fois, sans toi
Moi j’espérais tout bas
Les nuits sans toi, cent fois
Revenir sur mes pas

Ouais la vie nous sépare mais je te vois
oui, chaque fois plus proche de moi
Des heures, des jours, des mois
Je ne sais pas, si loin de moi
T’es toujours là
Ouais la vie nous sépare mais je te vois
oui, chaque fois plus proche de moi
Des heures, des jours, des mois

Loin de toi, t’es toujours là

Toutes ces heures, à te chercher
Tête baissée les yeux fermés
Sur ma peau gravée à tout jamais
Toutes ces heures, à te chercher
Tête baissée les yeux fermés
Sur ma peau gravée à tout jamais
Plus le temps passe et plus je sens
En moi, ces choses là qu’on ne se dit pas, ouais
Plus j’avance, et plus je sens en moi
Ce qu’est d’être loin de chez soi

Ouais la vie nous sépare mais je te vois
oui, chaque fois plus proche de moi
Des heures, des jours, des mois
Je ne sais pas, si loin de moi
T’es toujours là
Ouais la vie nous sépare mais je te vois
oui, chaque fois plus proche de moi
Des heures, des jours, des mois
Loin de toi, t’es toujours là

Ouais la vie nous sépare mais je te vois
oui, chaque fois plus proche de moi
Des heures, des jours, des mois
Je ne sais pas, si loin de moi
T’es toujours là
Ouais la vie nous sépare mais je te vois
oui, chaque fois plus proche de moi
Des heures, des jours, des mois
Loin de toi, t’es toujours là

July 9

Partout autour de nous,
Y’a des signes d’espoir dans les regards
Donnons leurs écrits car dans la nuit
Tout s’efface même leur trace
On écrit sur les murs le nom de ceux qu’on aime

Des messages pour les jours à venir
On écrit sur les murs à l ‘encre de nos veines
On dessine tout ce que l’on voudrait dire
On écrit sur les murs la force de nos rêves

Nos espoirs en forme de graffiti
On écrit sur les murs pour que l’amour se ne lève
Un beau jour sur le monde endormi
Des mots seulement gravés pour ne pas oublier pour tout changer


On écrit sur les murs la force de nos rêves
Nos espoirs en forme de graffiti
On écrit sur les murs pour que l’amour ne se lève
Un beau jour sur le monde endormi

On écrit sur les murs le nom de ceux qu’on aime
Des messages pour les jours à venir
On écrit sur les murs à l ‘encre de nos veines
On dessine tout ce que l’on voudrait dire

On écrit sur les murs la force de nos rêves

On écrit sur les murs pour que l’amour ne se lève

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July 10
When tomorrow comes
I’ll be on my own
Feeling frightened of
The things that I don’t know

And though the road is long
I look up to the sky
And in the dark I found, lost hope that I won’t fly
And I sing along, I sing along, and I sing along

I got all I need when I got you and I
I look around me, and see a sweet life
I’m stuck in the dark but you’re my flashlight
You’re getting me, getting me, through the night
Kick start my heart when you shine it in my eyes
Can’t lie, it’s a sweet life
Stuck in the dark but you’re my flashlight
You’re getting me, getting me, through the night

I see the shadows long beneath the mountain top
I’m not afraid when the rain won’t stop
‘Cause you light the way

I got all I need when I got you and I
I look around me, and see a sweet life
I’m stuck in the dark but you’re my flashlight
You’re getting me, getting me, through the night
Kick start my heart when you shine it in my eyes
Can’t lie, it’s a sweet life
Stuck in the dark but you’re my flashlight

You’re my flashlight

Went to Shilin night market with friends, Sam, Sujin, Daeun, guangwei, Ishan, Faith, Flavia

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July 16
“We come to love not by finding a perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly” – Sam Keen, from To Love and Be Loved.
Personally I think we shouldn’t compromise easily. We should seek for something to make us become better together, not just finding the way to accept each other only. 🙂
“Honest disagreement is often a good sign of progress”. – Mahatma Gandhi
./.
“There are always problems to face, but it makes a difference if our minds are calm. On the surface we may get upset, but it makes a difference if we are able to stay calm in the depths of our minds.” – Dalai Lama

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July 17
”I don’t know anything, but I do know that everything is interesting if you go into it deeply enough.” _ Richard Feynman

Summe comes, winter fades
Here we are just the same
Don’t need pressure, don’t need change
Let’s not give the game away

There used to be an empty space
A photograph without a face
But with your presence, and your grace
Everything falls into place

Just please don’t say you love me
‘Cause I might not say it back
Doesn’t mean my heart stops skipping when you look at me like that
There’s no need to worry when you see just where we’re at
Just please don’t say you love me
‘Cause I might not say it back

Heavy words are hard to take
Under pressure precious things can break
And how we feel is hard to fake
So let’s not give the game away

And fools rush in
And I’ve been the fool before
This time I’m gonna slow it down
‘Cause I think this could be more
The thing I’m looking for

Just please don’t say you love me
‘Cause I might not say it back
Doesn’t mean my heart stops skipping when you look at me like that

./.
“I think. That’s why I’m single.” :))
./.

“Some days,
I feel everything at once.
Other days,
I feel nothing at all.

I don’t know what’s worse:
Drowning beneath the waves
or dying from the thirst..”

―o.m.
./.
having been through anxiety disorder for 4 years since my first year at university, I don’t want to be in that place again.

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July 19
The reason why I study Physics, Programming, Math, Astrophysics, why I decided to become a Buddhist, a vegetarian is that all of them have been helping me less overthink. They help me simplify my life, see it in a more scientific perspective rather than emotional intuition. I have known a scientist trying to analyze his sadness by looking for the answer from his neuron nerves. He was still sad but he found his joyfulness while looking for the answer. 🙂 They all have been helping me find the balance whenever I felt overrated because of human interaction or nature connection. As I always told to everyone that I considered my sensitiveness both bless and curse. 🙂

Went to the swimming pool inside NTU campus

July 20
I don’t know why I always use harsh words to him whenever he asks me…. I’m sorry… I really don’t know what’s wrong with me… Sometimes my mind was just not there in the right time…I just didn’t catch up the conversation… 😦
./.
Obin, if u wanna be bad, be bad until the end. Don’t do half way. Otherwise be nice to him!… :(((
July 23
“You encounter problems only when you are fearful of your feelings and unable to express them, try to accept the way you feel before denying they exist” 🙂
July 25
bought easy card from Taipei Main Station

PicMonkey-Collage

July 26

“Keep calm and just say no” – a career advice from Ciska today :))
She reminded me of Clair, my guardian but an a-bit-cold version :))
July 27
It’s been a year and a half since the last time I injured myself

July 29
Committing to a project is like being married. Sometimes I attached myself to it so much that I distance myself from my friends …
./.
It’s strange that sometimes just sitting somewhere, listening to a random music or reading to several lines of chatting with my friends could remind me of him. 🙂 Still been listening to the song “Over you” recently and not sure what I have been feeling since our last conversation till now …. anw that’s why it’s strange.
./.
Yesterday, the emails of Ciska made me cry. Even though I’m not sure what I will have done after these two month of this summer program and I’m still scared that I will let her down, honestly reading her email gave me a lot of strength to carry on.
./.
I had a great BBQ night with my new friends here. I know that sometimes I seem to be a bit distant but frankly don’t want to show any affection to anyone right now. I again myself built up a wall with everyone around me. The thought of becoming closer to someone scares me at the moment.

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./.
I’m wondering where I will be in the next 3 months. Is it worth for waiting ? for what I have sacrificed ? for what my parents having faith in me ?
./.
Again, just some discrete thoughts expressed in a messy way. 🙂
July 31

The great ending of July 🙂

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August 1


./.
I didn’t know that you did all those stupid things to make me relax because you worried that I stressed out too much. I was honestly touched and cried a lot. Perhaps I suddenly realized how alone I have been, trying to be strong and dealing witheverything by myself. Thanks so much Ishan. I won’t never forget the time I have spent here, in Taipei, with you.
August 6
[Weekend – in case that someone is finding smt to do. These are what I have been doing 🙂 ]
When Harry met Sally (1989) Billy Crystal, Meg Ryan
Country song (2010) Gwyneth Paltrow, Garrett Hedlund, Tim McGraw
Lullaby (2014) Garrett Hedlund, Amy Adams

and a list of all old songs to which I used to listen

August 9
It’s interesting how you start resembling someone and get used to their voice when you stay close to them for enough time

./.

“She is funny. Just not with me” not sure if that was a compliment or compla 😂

./.

Successfully get my friends’ nails painted 😂😂😂 I’m so in love with me 😚😚 muhahahaha

./.

Is it weird to ask for my own room even when I have my own family :v :v

./.

Feeling inspired 🙃 they are all great researchers, they encourage me a lot by their life stories…buck  up, Obin! Ça ira!!!

./.

The more I take, the harder I can face you…

./.

…the more you don’t want to see someone , the higher probability you meet them 😂 it’s funny. I swear 😂

./.

“when you’re nervous, you get higher probability of falling in love with anothers” – said a friend 😂

August 14
[Weekend – Tom Hank]
I really really really like him :”>
– Philadelphia (1993)
– Forrest gump (1994)
– Apollo 13 (1995)
– Cloud Atlas (2012)
– Catch me if you can (2002)
– The Terminal (2004)
– Cast away (2000)
August 18
[4 minutes and 3 seconds of not being myself]
Thỉnh thoảng cảm giác mình không thuộc về thế giới này TT^TT
*đang vô cùng nghiêm túc*

August 20
[what do I have this weekend?]
There are several parts I still couldn’t listen to him but for the other he was obviously clever in his joke. ^^

August 21
August 21 2013
cái thể loại gì mà mọc mụn ngay ngón chân cái :((((((((((((((
đau quá, mai mang cái gì đi học được giờ :((((((

[lảm nhảm từ bài report]
nhiều khi người ta gắn bó với một thứ, chỉ vì nó thân thuộc, chỉ vì là thói quen, lâu dần cũng không còn khả năng so sánh nó tốt hay xấu như thế nào với cái khác, mà có khi là người ta cũng chẳng có thời gian để bận tâm đến điều đó. Thói quen mà, nó nằm vào cái phần vô thức như trong bản năng rồi…Thói quen nhiều lúc thật đáng sợ. Phải đắn đo đến mức nào để cho một thứ trở thành “thói quen” của mình nhỉ ?
./.
I hate the feeling of being stupid in front of you.
./.
I tend to close myself up when someone start knowing me too well. It’s like you show them your naked soul without any protections. I don’t want anyone see my naked soul… it’s the same like you need many ribs to protect your heart
August 25
can’t focus T_T ***** me! (no bad words, sorry T_T)
./.
[Nostalgic]
German Shepherd Dog (berger allemand) – my childhood 😥
There were 5-7 “berger” dogs which used to live with my family (I think there were more, if taking into acount their puppies). None of them could stay more than 1 year with us because of the dog thieves in my hometown. I couldn’t forget how loyal and devoted they were to my family. Even how much my dad loved them, he eventually decided to give up the hope of raising a berger. I’m not sure if he still has that much passion for dogs now. But his love for dog has inspired me to have my dream house full of dogs, berger dogs in particular. They’re my childhood memories, making me feel like home, teaching me loyalty. Living in the world ruled by probability and uncertainty principles, they are somehow the most certain I have ever felt…
./.
chó béc – tuổi thơ tôi

August 28
I won’t never break my standard to please anyone. I decide to change when I find it is the thing I should do, not because of anyone
./.
“Let’s put ourselves out of our comfort zone”
./.
I like the airport, just sitting there and reading a book, writing some random thing from my mind
./.
That you know all the rules of the game does not mean that you are ready for that game or want to be in it now.
./.
“Where do you live?”
“Actually I don’t know :)”

September 1
[Goodbye August!]

./.

*summer paradise* 🎶 suddenly miss your sweetness…
September 5

./.
I wish you were mine but frankly I don’t want to own you either. Too much responsible for me right now.
./.
“Many people were failed at getting me to write on their notebook”
“Why? Cuz I’m special?”
“yea, you’re special…”
“ha, thanks…:)”

./.

Thanks for respecting my space and giving me enough space, being responsive to my needs, accepting my weirdness 😚 luv u all, buddies

./.

If you’re afraid, you will miss a lot of things… Thanks for always tolerating me. The world is small, we will meet soon 🙂

./.

“I would have punched him if I had known that he slapped you”… When a posh person raised their voice…kinda touched… 🙂

./.

… It’s just fun when asking you to do something for me :))

September 6
“A promise is a cloud, fulfillment is rain” – unknown

September 7
“Even when it’s good, it hurts …”
./.
“Learn to ignore what you can’t control”
September 8
Look at others to find the reason for me becoming stronger…
September 9
They think that is love. They keep giving while we don’t want to receive it. And suddenly we have become “bad” people…
./.
It’s been a long time. I thought that I got over that period…but I now think I just convince myself to forget about that long enough until I am reminded by some random events….
September 11
You hurt me once, i can forgive you. But it doesn’t mean that you have another chance of coming closer to me to potentially hurt me again.
./.
I used to be extreme. If I feel, I feel deeply. If I don’t give a shit about anything, I turn out to be rude, and cold. But now I’m learning how to balance between those states of my emotion…
September 12
To get close to someone, use your sincereness instead of your skill. 🙂

The truth is that it will help you speed up your progress by somehow but sonner or later it won’t last long.

p/s: I have my own decision and my own feeling. And I have enough sensitivity to recognize whether it’s your feeling or just your skill used to impress me. 🙂
So please…. :)) why is it so hard for you just to be sincere to each other ? If you want to know something, be direct and a.
September 13
I’m just a good observer with a young leaner’s spirit – student of people 🙂
September 14
They don’t know how hard I have been trying… After getting the news and crying like hell…
September 15
“Do you like girl?” “of course ” “good! Now we understand each other? :3” 😚
./.
It’s always ur choice in deciding to make a plan with me. Plan and no pressure, that’s the greatness of friendship. Can’t wait to c u again.
September 20
I was right to leave your eye that night… 🙂 you’re happier without me 🙂
./.
The adventure in which you gradually find out who you are is never less mind-blowing than the one in which you want to create your own self
./.
[dreaming of somewhere else]

./.
Looking greater outside helps you feel better inside 🙂 It’s relatively true
./.
It’s easy to impress strangers. It’s harder to impress people knowing you well. Why do I want to do the easy one ? :))
./.
“How far is close? How close is far? – 🙃” “Who cares?” 😂😂😂 “just to make sure I won’t come too close 2u” -Everybody – Ingrid Michaelson 💕☺🎶
September 21
Secret admirer 💕☺🎶 thanks! ☺
September 23

Stay and dance – Joe Pug


Don’t take everything they say to heart
Don’t pick every unkind word apart
It’s a brave new world, but some things still hold true
The seasons change and people change their tune

Well they don’t know beauty, just the costume
Don’t know music, just the volume
Stay and dance with just who brought you
When the lights come up, baby, nothing else remains

So grab that waiting wheel and set your course
Let the chorus waiver back and forth
It’s you alone knows where the greatness lies
So meet their doubtful gazes eye to eye


Stay and dance with just who brought you

When the lights come up, baby, nothing else remains
September 26
I know that you lied, and I’m thankful for that you didn’t say it out loud… 🙂 it’s much easier for us when I’m leaving like this…
. /.
“If you own your life to someone, you’d better live it” – Blood father…
September 28
[September 28 2013] On this day 3 years ago
chỉ muốn làm trò khùng nào đó ngay lúc này
rồi lại phải cô gắng nén tất cả lại, cất vào một góc, giờ chưa phải lúc để bung nó ra. Nếu mà bung, chắc chắn sẽ nổ. Điên mất thôi …

bạn ko thấy những giọt nước mắt của tôi, ko có nghĩa tôi là đứa gỗ đá với tất cả
bạn ko nghe những lời tâm sự của tôi, không có nghĩa là tôi ngờ nghệch, mặc kệ tất cả
bạn biết gì đằng sau những im lặng, những cố gắng phản kháng của tôi, những lời nói tưởng như lạnh tanh
bạn có biết rằng, sau những lần cãi nhau, tôi là đứa ngồi một mình khóc như một đứa điên
bạn có biết, sau những lần to tiếng với bạn, tim tôi đập mạnh tới khó thở, không tài nào ngủ được, tôi tự hỏi rốt cuộc đứa nào đúng, đứa nào sai
bạn có biết, mỗi lần tôi làm tổn thương ai, tôi là đứa tự rủa mình đầu tiên
ban có biết, dù gạch tên một người ra khỏi cuộc sống của mình, tôi vẫn luôn là đứa ngoảnh lại nhìn, vào bất kì giây phút nào trong đời, liệu có đúng khi làm thế, mặc dù, sự thật, tôi luôn bướng bỉnh với chính bản thân mình, có thể tôi sẽ hối hận về việc đã làm, nhưng không bao giờ tôi muốn thay đổi những thứ mà tôi đã quyết định. Nó chắc chắn có một giá trị nhất định nào đó trên con đường tôi đi, dù đúng hay sai.
tôi không phải thánh, nhưng tôi cũng muốn làm người tốt chứ
Mai heo ơi, Thảo heo ơi T_T chỉ muốn kể tất cả những thứ có thể nhớ, nhưng cứ khi nghe giọng hai con người ấy, những điều đó lại mất đi đâu mất tiêu, lại chả nhớ gì để kể

Khi nào những người xung quanh tôi mới ngừng diễn, khi nào tôi mới lấy lại cảm giác an toàn và tin tưởng như tôi vốn từng có ????

rõ ràng cuộc đời ko đơn giản, dù tôi biết điều đó, nhưng tôi vẫn khó chấp nhận được cái sự ngoằn ngèo của nó
điên mất thôi!!!!!!!!

tôi cũng là người như ai, ko phải giẻ lau nhà!!!!!
./.
8:58 that is the most catching line I want to imprint in my brain (actually I have been always doing this till now :”) ). Whoever you will be in my heart (and of course you will be a part of it), never make me choose between you and my male best friends. They’re like you. They’re a part of my life, family-oriented sweet caring ones. The only thing makes them different to other female friends is their gender. So please don’t compare….

[To my dear male friends who won’t be posted here for safety reasons :3]

Time is my favorite friend. Time is my better answer.

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