Gap-year Diary – Final chapter (October 2016)

October 1
Belyy Bim (1977). I read this book when I was in secondary school and been in love with it since then. I didn’t know that they made a movie based on this novel.


October 2
Hopefully those dark days have gone from now … or at least won’t be as bad as it used to be ….fighting,Obin!
October 3
Eat! Pray! Love!? Hmm maybe next year ? :v who knows I might be eventually let myself fall into that :))

Friends usually accuse me of leaving without saying good bye ever. The thing is I have never been a fan of farewell party …btw, I actually did say good bye to them, sometimes 2 weeks, 2 months, sometimes 1 year before I planned to go elsewhere. They just didn’t understand what I said at that time ….

It’s hard to think straight sometimes when your emotions get involved
October 4
My uncle said to me that my next pilgrimage was the home-coming… It and I has a history – a sad one…
October 5

My mom had me in Germany but gave birth in Vietnam. There were several German dictionaries from my parents which I used to draw my masterpiece pictures instead of reading… =.= All I have known were Hallo, Danke, Gute Nacht, Guten morgen, Ja, Nein. Π. Π To be fair, I indeed got improved after having taken the German Class of Felix. It was just that I didn’t have much thing to do last years so I decided to learn German. It last for 2 months. *crying*

I started to learn to play piano when I was 7. I knew a bit about Italian which of course were about music notations, symbols because I learnt to play classical music with a Christian nun in my neighbourhood.I didn’t notice that I knew it until I met my Italian friends :)). It was just my knowledge of Italian was long long time ago.

I used to be a comicholics. I love reading comic books which were all from Japan. I took a Japanese class which was held for free by a monk when I was in Hanoi.

I got a chance to know about French culture when I went to high school for gifted students, majoring in Physics. They offered us a language course in French apart from English which was mandatory for all schools. There were only few schools taking French class as a second compulsory language at that time and my high school was one of them. After that I had chance to continue learning French when I went to University because it was a Vietnam-France Uni.

To be honest, I feel so lucky despite the fact that I grew up in a small town located in a central Highland to the South-West of Vietnam, which intrinsically I wasn’t able to know much about other cultures, not to mention foreign languages. I actually didn’t plan to learn any of them. They came to me naturally like that…Learning a new language is like getting to know my self better under other cultural perspectives. I honestly can’t learn them like a subject. My brain just doesn’t work that way. I wished I had spent more time for them :((( I’m feeling like I’m trying to finish all my childhood assignments now…. Π. Π

Lazy me!!!
October 8
I’m not going to chase anyone. My dream and my happiness are those I would chase. Yup, I’m that selfish… 🙂 I will be where they need me to be.
Being patient, patient enough to believe that they’re changing for the better, enough for standing beside them and seeing that happens 🙂
October 9
When Einstein met Tagore

People usually say that it’s not important of who you are, it’s important of who you want to become. It’s just partly true. How do you know what you want to be if you don’t know where to start. Eventually, whatever you want to do, who to become, it is driven, motivated by your inner self. Therefore, at my very early childhood, I always wondered why I did that but not others, why I reacted like that, why I couldn’t control myself in that circumstance or that situation, why there were particular things I could spend my whole day to do without my time consciousness, why there were other things which got me to make a specific effort and discipline to do,etc., those sort of questions. So, I decided to find who I was before deciding who I wanted to become. It took me a lot of time to finally understand myself somehow and if I have to describe, these words are the most general about me: Interestingly boring. Psychic. Psychopath-oriented. Empath. Atheist Buddhist. A maverick. A misfit. A realist idealist. An ambivert. Curious by nature.

October 10
It would be a lie if I said that I wasn’t scared… I just want a normal life where I can do what I like without judgement, persecution…
October 13

Ohhh, I can hear ’em playin’.
I can hear the ringin’ of a beat up old guitar.
Ohhh, I can hear ’em singin’,
“Keep on dreamin’, even if it breaks your heart.”

Downtown is where I used to wander.
Old enough to get there but too young to get inside.
So I would stand out on the sidewalk,
Listen to the music playin’ every Friday night.

Ohhh, I can hear ’em playin’.
I can hear the ringin’ of a beat up old guitar.
Ohhh, I can hear ’em singin’,
“Keep on dreamin’, even if it breaks your heart.”

Some dreams stay with you forever,
Drag you around but bring you back to where you were.
Some dreams keep on gettin’ better,
Gotta keep believin’ if you wanna know for sure.

Ohhh, I can hear ’em playin’.
I can hear the ringin’ of a beat up old guitar.
Ohhh, I can hear ’em singin’,
“Keep on dreamin’, even if it breaks your heart.”

Keep on dreamin’

Don’t let it break your heart.

[This day 3 years ago was the day all Vietnamese people honoring General Giap at his national funeral]
gần 3 năm học!
từ những ngày chân ướt chân ráo ra hà nội, đi theo con tim mình, đi theo ước mơ, đi theo tiếng gọi từ tận sâu trong lòng, muốn được bay, muốn tìm câu trả lời cho rất nhiều câu hỏi …. 5 tháng trời đi xe bus, biết bao lần dừng lại trên đường Hoàng Diệu, xuống xe 45, lên xe 22, hoặc lên xe 22 xuống xe 45 từng ấy lần, sáng sớm tinh mơ, khi còn thấy những cụ già tập thể dục dưỡng sinh, từng ấy lần, những khi tối tối trời, sáu bảy giờ, đi qua đi lại trên vỉa hè đường Hoàng Diệu, đợi xe bus đề về kí túc xá, từng ấy lần… mắt nhìn suốt dọc con đường mà con cho là một trong những con đường đẹp nhất Hà Nội, từng ấy lần, loanh quanh ngoài hàng rào, ngước nhìn vào trong, tự hỏi đây là nhà của ai nhỉ vắng vẻ nhiều cây, cũ cũ, rêu phong; từng ấy lần, cũng có biết bao lần bẻ lá ngoài hàng rào mang về phòng cắm linh tinh :)) từng ấy lần, gần đến như thế… mà chả hay ! 🙂
Con đường ấy, gắn với con nhiều kỉ niệm, những khi con mải mê đuổi theo những suy nghĩ của mình, rồi lại vô tình nhìn vào trong một ngôi nhà, hầu như đóng kín cửa, im lìm ….
Con không phải một chính trị gia, không phải một nhà sử học, hình ảnh của Bác và Bác Hồ là những câu chuyện của mẹ, và con tin chúng. Thế nên, mặc kệ ai nói gì, con vẫn giữ những niềm tin đó, …. niềm tin có làm gì ai, để lại niềm tin cho riêng mình, cũng là cái gì đó sai trái sao ????
Con xin giữ lại những tình cảm bé nhỏ của mình dành cho Bác … không ra đường, không hòa vào dòng người, …Xin Bác tha lỗi cho con!!!!
“Thời gian cẳng xóa nhòa đi cái gì cả nó chỉ làm ta quên cmn mất định xóa cái gì thôi” – Từ ai đó
October 14
How many roads must a man walk down
Before you call him a man? – Prof. Ngo Bao Chau
October 15
I’m not an emotional cry-baby any more.
“Let your success speak itself” – unknown
October 16
You surely had impact on me in so many ways, Ciska! 🙂 now minimalizing everything for the next 2 years. Laser focus!
October 17
“…Dù đục dù trong
con sông vẫn chảy
Dù cao dù thấp
cây lá vẫn xanh
Dù người phàm tục hay kẻ tu hành
Đều phải sống từ những điều rất nhỏ
Ta hay chê cuộc đời méo mó
Sao ta không tròn ngay tự trong tâm
Đất ấp ôm cho muôn hạt nảy nầm
Nhưng chồi vẫn tự vươn lên tìm ánh sáng
Nếu tất cả đường đời đều trơn láng
Có thể nào ta nhận ra ta
Ai trong đời đều có thể tiến xa
Nếu có khả năng tự mình đứng dậy
Hạnh phúc
cũng như cuộc đời này vậy
Không chi dành cho một
riêng ai”


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